Last night, for the first time in a long time, was the DD for my group. The awesome thing about being the only sober person in a group of belligerently drunk people is that your memory of that night is beyond question. They have no idea whether or not you’re making shit up. Now, I did not have to do that with this night.

After reaching about the fourth bar in the evening we ran into some people I used to hang out with regularly. We had been out for at least three hours, suffice it to say everyone was pretty toasted. We were at a bar called Peek-a-Boo’s. It was dead when we got there, but I KNEW I wouldn’t regret this decision when the sight that greeted us was to two Asian females wearing nothing but underwear and thigh high leather boots. I was in shock at first, but then I got over it. Levi whispered in my ear upon seeing where my attention was, “Regardless of how awful they look, I bet in three to four hours SOMEONE is going find them attractive enough to take home.” Because of this bet I kept a close eye on them for the duration of our time there.

The people I ran in to were Alex and Price from one of the flights I work with. They were extremely drunk and Alex was there providing comic relief to all the onlookers. This night I was introduced to ‘Shadow Dancing’. It consists of you walking up behind people dancing with eachother and starting to dance with them without them knowing. Alex’s targets? Two middle aged women, one black and one white, who started dirty dancing with eachother facing a wall. He walked up behind them and did the most awkward shuffle I’ve ever seen in my life. Suddenly, one of these women sensed his presence and turned around quickly. At which point he did the ‘oops, sorry I bumped you’ face and wandered back to our group. They were on high alert after that.

I watched Alex do this at least four more times, progressively getting more and more ridiculous due to the alcohol consumption. When the first two women were leaving about two hours later, the BIG black woman bumped into him and told him “you can’t handle all this”. Alex took that at a personal challenge. She started bumping and grinding him, much to our horror, and he broke it down with her. Now, Alex is no small guy, he’s fairly stocky, but as he was trying to keep time with her, due to her sheer mass she was basically tossing him around like a rag doll. The momentum of her boobs picked bounced him higher than was necessary. I don’t think I was capable of breathing because of laughter at one point.

It was after this point that Crystal decided to finally go ask those two chicks why they were only wearing underwear. They looked deep in conversation, but upon further questioning Crystal said the music was so loud she just smiled, nodded, and walked away.

Some kind of strange tribal dance started in front of me when everyone ‘broke the seal’ at the same time and took off for the bathroom. I was watching four separate drinks while they all hovered near the bathroom. This dance consisted of a group of black males standing in a circle while one black female was passed around grinding on them all. If she didn’t wake up today thinking she was an idiot, believe me, I would thought it enough for everyone.

At some point, they all returned at each person started departing our merry little party. It was then that I noticed one guy had been hanging around our two promiscuous females from the beginning  of the story. They, all three, were making their exit. Well I’ll be damned. He called it.

I wish that was where the night ended, but no. However, that is a story for a different day.

The joys of that night will be with about as long as the shame will stay with the people I was with. To his credit, though he vehemently denied it that evening, when Levi was drunk he was not that bad. At least he wasn’t grinding on overweight black women and going home with two overpainted asians.

-Bug