Jealousy

I’ve recently made friends with a womanizer. Don’t worry, the friendship didn’t begin with any shenanigans, so I don’t need a phone call, Mom :).

In case you didn't guess, this is the Green Eyed Monster...

This friendship has become the source of some pretty valuable insight into the male mind. Maybe into the dating mind in general, I don’t know yet. Anyways, we had a conversation about jealousy. Apparently this guy likes to take his girlfriends around his ex-girlfriends to make them jealous. When they get jealous, he says, then he knows they care. I realized that I had seen this same scenario many times, I just hadn’t realized that was the aim. To reveal the other party’s emotional attachment. It makes sense. If someone gets jealous, then yes, it means they want to keep you. But it also means they think they can lose you. They don’t trust you, in fact.

So I present to him a theory. Perhaps jealousy is a step down from courtesy. This guy believes that, with social equality and all that, women should open their own doors and pay for their own shit. Maybe they should. But if you want someone to know you care, you should do small things like that to show them you care. I saw a stooped, white-haired man open the car door for his equally stooped, equally white-haired wife, and help her into the car before circling and getting in himself. My dad does the same for my mom. My sister’s boyfriend buys her-and himself-mementos from their outings, to remember the day. The difference between these two approaches is that one leaves you vulnerable, making you the first to show you care, while the other forces someone to let you know.

This is all theoretical. I myself have only been jealous once, in high school. It didn’t feel nice, though. I remember it still, like an illness. It ruined my day, that spurt of jealousy. I haven’t felt it since, even though there has been occasion for it to be reasonable. I guess I just don’t feel threatened most of the time. If people can glean some happiness, even if it costs me a few sad moments, then go for it. Having learned of that tactic, though, I now wonder if maybe that isn’t part of the problem with society today. It’s okay to this guy that he intentionally hurts these girls, just so he knows something he should have already known. And the part of him that does this is something equally hurt from some other painful thing, brought on by another broken person.

What I’m saying is, Try a Little Tenderness

– Bekkie

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20 Comments

  1. it’s been so long since i dated, i forget how lol

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    • bekkie04

       /  April 9, 2012

      it’s nice to be with someone, but some of these mating rituals are ghetto. please dont learn lol

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      • with taking care of my brother no one wants me anyways, so i probably don’t have to worry , lol

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        • bekkie04

           /  April 9, 2012

          im starting to think it might be better to be alone than be with a jackass. and there are alot of jackasses. the internets a cool thing though. if you want to find someone, maybe theres a place where people who have disabled family members can meet :) then you’d have something in common right off the bat, and theyd get the situation

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  2. I totally agree with you. I agree in part with the jealousy means you care thing too though. It really is about trust though. Also self-confidence.

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    • bekkie04

       /  April 9, 2012

      yeah i think so too. and self esteem. you know, how much you value yourself. if you feel good about who you are, then i think you wont feel the need to inspire jealousy

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      • Yes, I think if you have a good self esteem you are less likely to be jealous of someone too. Even if they are trying to make you jealous.

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  3. Hmm.. as some one who used to be insanely jealous.. a little jealousy is fine.. it shows that the person feels like you are a keeper.. but most jealousy comes from mis-trust.

    As far as this guy “intentionally hurting other women” – it is mean on his part. On their part (the women) they shouldn’t give someone that kind of control over them.

    Jealousy never feels good.

    Great post.

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    • bekkie04

       /  April 9, 2012

      thanks. and i dont think they have much control over themselves. have you ever heard of tucker max?

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      • I don’t think I have heard of Tucker Max.. do tell..

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        • bekkie04

           /  April 9, 2012

          he writes crazy books about his crazy life. hes an awful person, but its funny anyways. there are a lot of examples of people doing things like that. men and women both, who just come back for more abuse. its strange, but apparently it happens

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  4. What this guy is doing is certainly not biblical! A true Christian tries to avoid jeolousy and envy, so why would he want someone else become something we ought to actively avoid just to satisfy his own depraved desires. He ought to give his insecurities to Jesus – He died for that over two millenia ago

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    • bekkie04

       /  April 9, 2012

      hes not a christian. and i dont know that hes depraved, hes just one of those “eat drink play, for tomorrow we die” types

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  5. Thanks Bekkie.. I’ll have to do a little research on this guy.. have a good night!

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  6. “Perhaps jealousy is a step down from courtesy.” Very interesting.

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  7. I’m a pretty open and trusting kind of person, and don’t suffer from envy much. But I’ve had attacks of jealousy – and each time I’ve subsequently found out there was a whole heap of nonsense going on! Now when I get the green eyes it’s a pretty good time to scarper! Your friend sounds a bit screwy btw (not that that’s ever put me off anyone…).

    Bug @ Bugwear

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    • bekkie04

       /  April 11, 2012

      lol i thought you were my sister. i was gonna ask about the fashion thing, as it seemed way off track for her, but obviously, you’re another person :) yeah, he is a bit screwy, but thats pretty typical of the people i meet. to each his own i guess.

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  8. Damn, how I do NOT miss dating. I always rather sucked at it anyway.
    I personally believe that jealousy is a highly wasteful expression of emotion; it almost never results in anything positive in my experience.
    That being said, it’s great to get a look into the (somewhat skewed) mind of a male specimen, is it not? The majority of my close friends are (and have always been) male and the stuff they come up with will keep me in fits of giggles until the day I grow old and die!

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    • bekkie04

       /  April 12, 2012

      it does seem pretty counter productive. i havent really seen it work out for anyone. but its one of those that seems to hit people, whether they want it or not. it is pretty cool to get a glimpse. ive had guy friends, but they usually treat me like a little sister, so no frank discussions about dating. this guy treats me like one of the guys, so i get to hear the raunchy jokes and crazy stories that the males have been keeping from me :) info gold haha

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