Indifference

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” -Elie Wiesel

Jupiter and Venus were visible in the same part of the sky the night I arrived in New Orleans. That same night was one of the most wild, carefree, and valuable in my memory. I don’t know that these two were related, but I like the coincidence. I met someone there with an app on his phone that let him identify the stars through his camera, pointed at the sky. That’s how I found out the galaxy was rendezvousing. I watched them drift apart for the next couple of weeks. Even now, a month later, I search them out.

A few days ago, I noticed mars for the first time. A red dot, pretty easily seen, even in well-lit areas. I also noticed that I had begun to go through a phase. I thought about changing the name I gave it for this passage, but I don’t want to lie, so sorry mommers, I know it’s kinda ghetto. I call it the ‘Fuck It’ phase. I just started…well, not really saying, but feeling ‘fuck it’-ish. Again, not connected, I know, but a good way to remember it.

At first, it was merely procrastinating. Over the course of a few days, I quit caring about little things. Then big things began to have no effect. Near-miss collisions, free food, delinquent kids graffiti-ing my countertop. No real response, other than ‘fuck it’. The bigger the event that the ‘fuck it’ encompassed, the more I realised that things were really working out. I never got in to the wreck(s), and had the added benefit of escaping the post-close-call freakout. I shooed the dilinquents out without misshap. The food was free. The less I cared, the better things got. So I decided to do it on purpose. In the event of a situation that may come with consequences, I would go the ‘fuck it’ road. When those situations arose, I found that I could indeed go with it. Iniatially, it was nerveracking, but that went away with suprisingly little difficulty.

The final phase went on for about a week. I think it ended today. We’ll see. Maybe waned, at least. Because today, I realized that there was no real benefit from this. When I escaped unscathed, I felt no relief. No joy or humor. Nothing at all. Why should I? Fuck it.

The point is, I succesfully engaged in indifference. It had, as most things do, some high points. In the end, though, you miss out on the cool parts. So if indifference is on your list of qualities you wish you had, fuck it. It’s not worth it.

– Bekkie

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14 Comments

  1. Sometimes indifference is good. It protects you. I am very indifferent right now because feeling hurts way too much. I’m actually crying at the moment because of your post that just want to be indifferent about.

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    • bekkie04

       /  April 16, 2012

      aw no, none of that. and armor is heavy and uncomfortable. no use wearing it all the time

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  2. bugletto

     /  April 16, 2012

    indifference is a cowards shield. man up, bek. you’re better than that.

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    • Bullshit. Indifference means you don’t have to make every problem in this world yours. The more you ‘care about’ the couple who crashed, the kid 1000 miles away that shot a man for breaking the rules in the jungle, the starvation, the drought, the fires, the financial crisis, the millions of people without jobs, the charities going bust…

      The more you are going to end up hating to hear about the problems from being annoyed, exhausted, depressed.

      Moving to a more personal note such as bekkie has shared, why let the llittle shit constantly bother you when it doesn’t affect you no longer. “I nearly got ran over by a bloke on a bicycle today. Ah well, shit happens” is a better approach than “I nearly got ran over by a bloke on a bicycle today. Am I invisible to everyone? Why do these things keep happening to me? Am I over exagerating?”

      OF course you bloody well are exagerating, it was either an honest mistake or the bloke didn’t care. It had nothing to do with you except a crossing in paths, are you planning to cross that path the same way, or closer with the same bloke? Do you need to look over your shoulder to ensure he doesn’t plan to? No, ignore it, be indifferent, just ‘fuck it.

      More to the point, just fix the problems instead of dwelling over it. I doubt bekkie plans to leave the grafiti on her bench forever, and I doubt it’s even worth punishing the kids over it.

      “Fuck it” – “Shit Happens” – “Don’t worry, be happy” – “If it’s broke fix it, if it ain’t broke don’t touch it”

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      • PS. To be honest though, compassion is a great strength to have. Don’t lose compassion, just know where it should lie.

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      • bekkie04

         /  April 16, 2012

        i think letting the small things go is great, especially if it comes from a willingness to believe the better about people. if no one cared about the bug things, though, nothing would get fixed, or change. so its really just a balance thing. ‘everything in moderation’ :)

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    • I’m going to have to agree with Bug, Bek. You’re tougher than this!

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    • bekkie04

       /  April 16, 2012

      psh i do what i want. and the day im a coward is the day you befriend hannah montana and flee the country in shame. i just wanted to get away with shit. and it worked. i now have to figure out how to harness it haha

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  3. bekkie04

     /  April 16, 2012

    nope. i doubt it will last

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  4. So true! When you hate something, you really have to expend some energy. When you love something you’re expending energy. When you’re indifferent, there’s no energy lost. Great point. Sandy

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  5. Indifference, apathy, amotivation. All similar when it comes to energy expenditure. So unsatisfying though. This really made me think Thanks!

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  1. The world within | Hobbling Around

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