How Important Is Sin When You Love Someone?

In order to clearly show my heart on the matter of homosexuality, I would like to write this post specifically to pinkagendist, Daniel Postlewaite, and John the Aussie. It is my hope that you will see that I don’t rank any sins that people grapple with above others…sin is sin, yet that isn’t what God is interested in. Yes, sin is evil. But He could have rid the world of all sin by just destroying all of it, and us with it. It is God’s love for us that is important, and was the reason He sent His son to die. To restore us back to our God, and to free us from the chains that sin places us in.

When my kids were in high school, my stepdaughter Brenda (not her real name) showed up in the middle of the

night with her high school aged brother and sister. We lived in Tulsa, and Brenda, Cole and Charity were all from central Texas. I hadn’t heard from Brenda in years, knowing that she had gotten pretty heavy into drugs and was learning some pretty hard lessons in life. It had been even longer since I’d seen Cole and Charity, who were the children of Brenda’s mother from a different father.

Brenda was beside herself, tumbling out this horrific story about the abuse and neglect that Cole and Charity had been suffering at numerous relatives hands. I explained to her that I couldn’t harbor run-aways but she was inconsolable, and I told her I would figure out what to do in the morning. Going to bed, I was freaked out. I couldn’t return them to being abused, but I didn’t know how much trouble I would be in for them being at my house. I prayed, hoping God would give me an answer by morning.

The next morning, Brenda was gone. Some time in the night she had split, leaving the two teenagers behind. After discussing options with the two teens, I finally called their father, who informed me that he didn’t want them back. “Just keep them,” were his careless words. What a winner.

Both of them had dropped out of school in the 7th grade, and it had been years since they had gone to school. And without the proper paperwork, I wasn’t going to be able to get them enrolled in school. Add to that fact was that they were both in terrible health. Their mom had abused drugs consistently when they were in vitro, and both had been born addicted to meth, cocaine, and other substances. Their immune systems were trashed. Cole’s bones were brittle, and a spill on a skateboard that should have been nothing left him with a broken arm. The whole experience made me furious at their parents.

But even worse than their physical health was the emotional scars that were devastatingly familiar to me. Ask any child who has been molested, and we will tell you..we recognize each other..Both of them had been severely molested, and I spent a lot of time listening to these children as they cried for their childhood that had been lost to them. Trust, stability, and security had been annihilated for them.  Especially Cole, who I could already tell, was so hurt and obviously leaning more toward the homosexuality that he’d been introduced to at such a young age. I spent more time listening and comforting, and less preaching…God wasn’t interested in me getting Cole to not be a homosexual. He was interested in me showing Cole that there was someone who cared about him, no matter what, and I never once addressed his sins with him. It wasn’t the time. God didn’t just want Cole to stop sinning..God wanted to love Cole, and the sins were secondary and could be addressed later in his life. What mattered was Cole, not what he was doing.

About three months later, the father decided he did want them back after all, and he drove to Tulsa to pick them up. They both cried, not wanting to leave, but the law was with their parents, and I had to reluctantly give them back. My whole family cried, including Chef, because they had come to belong with us.

Years later, while on a run with one of the most notoriously badass motorcycle clubs in the world, Chef and some of the other bikers he was travelling with stopped at a diner one night, and Cole was there working. Cole, obviously a homosexual that had come out, was so excited to see Chef, and Chef, equally excited to see him,  gave him a big hug and introduced him to all the grizzled bikers he was with,  as his and my son. And those bikers treated Cole respectfully and kindly, even though homosexuality is not embraced in the 1%er biker culture. There were no judgments, no sneering, no anything, but respect. He was part of our family, and no one had better have a thing to say about him…Because we love Cole as a whole person. He isn’t a poster boy for homosexuality…he’s a full, three dimensional hurting boy who needed us to love him no matter what. And we do just that.

If Cole were to suddenly show up on my doorstep wanting to know about God, my first words and actions would have absolutely nothing to do with his homosexuality. His sins aren’t what I, or God, would care about first. I would only show him every single verse in the bible that talks about how much God loves him. I would show him how God wants to heal the broken parts of his heart, and how we can trust God when there doesn’t seem to be another person in the world we can count on. There would be plenty for me, and for God, to show Cole before any of his sins would need to be addressed.

Christianity isn’t about a bunch of rules to me. It is about a relationship that heals and restores us to what we should have been before sin was introduced to the world. Yes, sins need to be addressed, but that really is between Jesus and his child.

Knowing what my past did to me, and what Cole and Charity’s pasts did to them, I’m loathe to rant and rail about how much someone else is struggling with. Instead, I tend to assume that there is a very real, painful reason that this sin is so hard for them, and I can pray about them getting the healing they need…

I hope this story shows that my heart isn’t against any one, no matter what they are struggling with. I judge NO ONE by what sins they struggle with…

– Bird

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38 responses to “How Important Is Sin When You Love Someone?

  1. Hi Bird, thanks for sharing, wonderful post. My Pastor just yesterday taught on this same subject – No sin being greater than the other. And that all can be overcome by the grace of God. We were all once unworthy but through Jesus Christ we are (were) cleansed and washed by His blood of all our unrighteousness.

    “If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from our wickedness. If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his Word has no place in our hearts.” 1 John 1:8-10

    God bless you Bird!

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    • Thank for sharing that scripture..It has been awhile since I read it. We often get so caught up in sin-watching, we miss the entire point of our salvation!

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  2. Great post. You have an amazing heart. Breaks my heart to hear how much pain those kids are in. You have obviously touched their lives deeply. I pray they come to Christ. Your approach is spot-on. God bless! ~~~Michele

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  3. Beyond beautiful! I thought I’d like you from you post of your encounter with the school counsellor, now I’m sure I do like you. Even more so, I admire you.
    On a separate note, I’m also a smoker. Have you tried the electronic cigarette thing? It’s helped me go down from 2, to only 1 pack a day.

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    • sometimes I type too quickly. Corrections:
      Beyond beautiful! I thought I’d liked you from your post of your encounter with the school counsellor, now I’m sure I do like you. Even more so, I admire you.
      On a separate note, I’m also a smoker. Have you tried the electronic cigarette thing? It’s helped me go down from 2, to only 1 pack a day.

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      • me, too! Plus my computer is doing this weird thing where I’ll be typing along, and suddenly it throws me in somewhere else in the body of the text. Drives me nuts!!

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    • Thank you, Pinkagendist. That means a lot coming from you!

      I bought a cheap version of the electronic cigarette, and it tasted like a cat’s litter box…lol. I’ve heard that the real ones work really well, but they are a little out of my price range at the moment. I need to do something soon, though…My one healthy lung can’t take this much longer!

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      • email me… in your inbox you’ll find along with my messages my IP address and private email… How much does the proper electronic cig cost where you are? My treat. You can’t say no, it would be rude.

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  4. We have got to be careful how we treat people becaus sin and death reigned under the old covenant. Under the new covenant, God is not dealing with us according to our sin, we have grace. Love is the greatest power in the universe. You love! Who cares about old covenant punishment of sin, when we don’t live under that covenant. It doesn’t apply to us Good for you! Love conquers all!

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    • Thank you for this comment. I completely agree…we are living under grace. Hence, we have got to stop trying to make other people “clean up their acts” in order to be saved. They are not under the old law either!! :)

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  5. Oh, Bird, I was saying to myself, nearly in tears, but definitely with the chills, how wonderful to take those ‘children’ who hurt so much in and expect nothing in return. That’s what Christianity is all about and the name ‘Charity’ is so apropos! You may not have counseling ‘credentials,; but you and Chef used some good old-fashioned UNCONDITIONAL love and common sense. I pray that these children will forget their past; or is that possible with a life of abuse?

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    • It is not possible to forget the abuse. What is possible, though, is to take the scars of that experience and make them into something useful and helpful to others. It gives you a purpose that can be used to battle the powerless feeling you get from it. I believe God put them with me to show them that when they were ready, they would know who to turn to. Now I have to wait for God’s timing… :) I have faith they will return..

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  6. God hates sin. God loves sinners. It’s a paradox–and a balance–that we who claim to be His children have a hard time putting into a working formula. Our nose keeps wanting to wrinkle up. But as you’ve stated so well, the primary need is to meet God as LOVE and go from there into His Word and His guidelines, as much as we can handle at a time, and learn about Him. That was my journey and I expect it will be the same for anyone else coming from a non-churched setting.

    It’s not when a person doesn’t recognize sin and is doing wrong things that he has such a problem. It’s when a person does indeed know he’s doing wrong and justifies himself in his wrong and teaches others the same. That’s where Jesus laid out His heaviest rebukes. “You cross sea and land to make one convert and when you’ve made him, he’s twice as fit for hell as you yourselves.” (My paraphrase of Matt 23:15)

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    • Good quote! I think satan has been a genius at making us so focused on other people’s sins and using those sins to keep from even trying to address what Jesus came here to show us…mercy. Mercy encompasses a multitude of sins, and I am aiming at having enough to cover my entire existence!! Plus, I don’t get overwhelmed by what other people are doing…I keep my eyes fixed completely on who someone is, not what they are doing.. I think Jesus would have wanted it that way. Thank you for your comment!

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  7. Nice post. And it is quite refreshing to realize that there are actually people out there who understand the concept of loving and not judging! Where I live, there aren’t too many Christians who still believe that. Even though it is written all over the scriptures they claim to live by.

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  8. Bird,

    A truly heart felt story. I never assumed you were a bigot at any stage and I only assumed you picked another topic to post about originally to help yourself clarify and help others learn more about sin and another aspect. Please understand I was only having a healthy discussion and if you felt you were being judged by me, I apologize. I was judging the system, which those of Faith and those of us that lost faith within religion do often. This isn’t to mean I’ve lost faith, I see the work of the gods and demons everyday. The miracles of life are those similar to you and Chef’s love (and the rest of ya tribe).

    Bird, if I believed any less of you I wouldn’t be following.

    John.

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    • I appreciate that, John! I don’t want people to feel the least bit judged by me… I do appreciate you coming back again and again. Sorry faith has been rough for you.. :-)

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  9. Great post! What a tragic childhood! How hard it would be to ignore that and let it go. You are a very strong person. I admire how you handled that. Thank you for sharing such a great story of faith.

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  10. Bird — Wow…where do I begin? ‘Love’ just oozed out between the lines of everything you poured out to us. And Chef? Big props to a big man! I don’t know if Aretha Franklin and Jesus ran in the same circles, but all I heard was R-E-S-P-E-C-T! While I can’t even guess how you and Chef got it so right, my hat’s off to you all – each and every one that makes up the zany group that is your family. Somehow I’m thinking you wouldn’t want it any other way. Peace and grace from my House to all in Yours. Dan

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    • Dan! You make us sound way cooler than we really are! I like to think that Chef and I have parents’ hearts…and those children were really easy to love.. :-) And I hope Aretha is in heaven belting out RESPECT…That would be awesome!! Peace to you and yours, too, Dan. Thanks for the wonderful comment!!

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  11. Pingback: Pinkagendist Gives Bird A Gift « Everyone Has A Story

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