Chef and His Options… :-)

Last night, Chef called me out of the blue and told me to get dressed up, he was taking me out. I love it when he gets in those moods, and even though it was 11:30pm, I quickly pulled myself together and was ready when he pulled up on his bike.

We met up with some friends of ours, and it turned out to be a pretty fun night. And, as usual, because of the biker thing, Chef and his brothers were the “bells of the ball”, you might say. Now, this bar/grill wasn’t a normal watering hole for us, so I didn’t recognize any of the people there, like I tend to do at some of our normal hang-outs. 

One of the things I find fascinating is to listen to people talk to Chef, and knowing him, I can always tell when they aren’t listening to what he is saying. Last night, a highly inebriated older woman decided to throw her hat in the proverbial ring, even though I was sitting right there. After 20 seconds of conversation, though,  I decided this wasn’t even worth getting a twinge of jealousy over. Here’s Chef’s conversation with a hopeful wanna-be-a-biker-chick lady:

Lady: Oh my! I just love motorcycles! (They always start out like that..)

Chef: Is that right? 

Lady: (giggling) I’ve had a couple of boyfriends that let me ride with them. I sure miss it!

Chef: I’ll bet you do…

Lady: It would make my whole day if you would give me a ride on yours. I’ve had a really bad week and I came out with my girlfriends to have some fun. They are in there dancing, and I have no one to dance with me…Then I saw you out here and I just knew my whole evening was going to turn out to be fun after all…

Bird: (holding my brain in my skull to keep it from falling on the floor)

Chef: Well, I don’t think I can make your dreams come true tonight, hon…Why don’t you go in there and ask someone to dance with you…

Lady: (over Chef) I won’t fall off your bike because I’ll tell you a secret..I used to ride my own bike back in 1972…It was a (blah, blah, blah…I don’t remember, nor do I care…my brain was leaking…) I know I’m heavy now, but I was really good at it back then when I used to be 100lbs dripping wet..I was so hot then… and I don’t know why I stopped riding. I’m just divorced and I’m planning on marrying a biker this next time around…or you know, just “getting to know” one better, ha,ha..

Chef: You bought your own bike in 1972? Was that why the music died?

Lady: (obviously not listening to Chef) So, what do you think…you gonna give me a ride? (To me) You don’t mind, right, honey?

Chef: No, not tonight. Go back to your friends.

Lady: (giggling) Well, you know where I am when you want to find me..bye, handsome…

Bird to Chef: Did you just tell this woman that because she bought her own bike, the music died?

Chef: Yes. 

Bird: Were you insulting her?

Chef: Yes.

Granted, not one the worst insults, or even a very clever one, but hey, he was taken off-guard too, so it quickly was forgotten and we continued visiting with our friends.

Later on in the evening, and a good two and a half hours after that initial encounter, and after an uncomfortable amount of these kinds of encounters from random women sporadically dotting my evening, I came out of the restroom in time to see the same Music Died Lady waving her keys in a menacing manner at a the table of friends Chef and I were sitting at. As I walked out, she quickly made eye contact with me and then grabbed her equally inebriated friend and hustled to their car. (What was that Chef said about my dangerous look???) Walking up, I asked Chef what that was all about.

Chef: She just figured out I was making fun of her about riding her own bike…

Now, that’s drunk, people… :)

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23 responses to “Chef and His Options… :-)

  1. Another great story Bird! I actually thought Chef’s comment about “the day the music died” was VERY clever and subtle too. I think that song “American pie” was number one in 1972. I always enjoy a good “drunk” story. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. Aaaaw!!!!!! Cute chickies!!!! I used to love holding them when I was younger. :-D And I’m cracking up over here!!!!! The day the music died….. Smh. Leave it to men to find the nicest way to insult her. Hahaaa

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    • I used to love it when I was little and people would dye their fur pinks and blues…They are just the cutest little baby animals!! You know, I didn’t get it…I figured he was referencing the song, but I was kind of lost in the conversation..

      Probably because my mind was reeling that this woman was hitting on my husband WHILE I WAS RIGHT THERE….I’m never going to get that, ever… :)

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      • Some women are incorrigible. It’s even worse when they’re drunk. I’ve got to say I’ve never seen chicks dyed in the different colours though. I can imagine that they probably protest alot during the process. :-D

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        • I imagine they were very unhappy with the process. When their feathers would come in, the fur would drop off, and they’d just be the same as all the other chickens…but I imagine they cherish the experience in their little hearts… “Once I was someone..A STAR..” lol.. That’s what I used to pretend they were saying, anyways!!

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    • lol..I didn’t think it was that insulting…I’ve definitely heard worse. Still, she was waiving her keys around like she was going to stab him, so I guess she really took exception to it!!

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  3. Oh, hahahaha. That story is so funny. I sure needed a good laugh. I take it that woman didn’t weigh 100 lbs dripping wet anymore. Who said all women look good in thongs… ;)

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  4. I’m cracking up about your brain leaking! Oh Bird .. .you have astounding self control! Do they give out blog awards for that? God bless you! :)

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  5. Holding your brain…my brain is leaking? Bird, you can turn a phrase! Chef must have charisma out the wazoo. Drunks are an entertaining lot. It’s like free pay-per-view! My Saturday night was a snooze-fest by comparison. Sandy

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    • :) That’s what controlling my temper feels like… like my brain will just fall right on the floor.. :) Thanks for the compliment!! I actually get a kick out of watching drunk people..And I’ve been the drunk entertainment once or twice myself, so I try to be understanding about it… :)

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    • and Chef is super charming and very approachable. He’s generally a really hilarious man, so I’m used to women liking him right off. I guess that is what I get for marrying an awesome little stud…My own fault!

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