A Pictorial Guide To Bird’s Latest Crisis

Lately, I believe it would be fair to say that I’ve been on the horns of a dilemma when it comes to this blog thing. One thing that I’ve really come to value about writing here is the therapeutic nature of getting my bottled up thoughts out of my head and in front of my eyes, and the eyes of others. It tends to make the monster in my head look smaller and less destructive than I’d originally supposed.

 

I’ve been dealing with two major problems in my marriage, and as I tend to do, I keep my secrets well guarded. It is one thing to blab my own shortcomings and failures to the world…I’m okay with people taking pot-shots at me, because I embrace my ridiculous mistakes and try to use them as cautionary lessons for others. But when you’re getting into the problems that a marriage goes through, you are setting up your partner to be judged, and even though Chef and his problems are making my brain crack, I still love him, and want to guard him from criticism.

 

My best friend, Audra has the full story, having proved over the years that she can be unbiased in her assessment of

Meet Audra, my best friend since forever…And Keeper of All Bird’s Secrets

what is going on, and when things calm down and are fixed, her love of Chef is never shaded by what she knows his imperfections are. I also spilled my guts to my newest confidant, Sara, the other night through chat. I simply needed someone to vent to, and then to pray for me, because the situation is so incredibly overwhelming, I felt like I needed some help. It is simply amazing how much better I felt about the whole sordid mess after I speak to these people. So, I wanted to say thanks to both of them. I appreciate you listening to me, and putting things in perspective. I love you guys.

 

Now, obviously, I can’t go into detail for the whole world to see, but I have put together a little montage of pictures that I hope will give you a glimpse of what it is like to be me these days… An Ode To Bird’s Insane Life. Hope you enjoy!!

 

Chef feels old all of a sudden:

Replace Baldness with …I have no idea. The man has the looks of a 30 year old, the intelligence of a college professor, hair to make a woman swoon, and me as a wife…Seriously..What more could he ask for?

As a rather logical kind of person, I immediately set about to find the cure for this odd ailment. And, because I simply can’t understand at all how this phenomenon works, I was unable to find a quick, painless cure. And my failure frustrated me and made me angry.

This is me, angry:

That is me chasing Chef, telling him I’m only trying to help him…See the fear in his face??

 

Or this is a good representation of how I’ve been feeling:

Come away from the rail, Chef!!! Stop fighting me, I’m only trying to help!!!

 

I get frustrated, and I pray and pray. And God always faithfully answers me, giving me a peace.

Bird at peace, thinking I’ve got the upper hand in the problem:

Ahh…now I can relax….

But, like Peter, I take my eyes off of God, and start freaking out again:

And even Chef isn’t able to withstand my “love”… :-)

And because I keep fluctuating between peace and panic, my poor Chef has no idea what to expect from me anymore:

Chef trying to get a firm grasp on the reality of his wife…

or:

Chef trying to make heads or tails of my weirdo mood swings…

 

And when he gets all weird about me, I freak out and get all weird about him:

I’m ready for anything…or something…Oh, hell. Who am I fooling? I’m a sitting duck…

 

Then, I actually get some real communication in with the old Chef, and he with me, and peace reigns for about 4.5 minutes.

Taking a moment to breathe before we begin the next battle in our war…

 

I always try to keep in mind that every thing we’ve ever overcome in this marriage felt just as horrible and hopeless as this one does, and I’ve always been glad that we’ve stuck it out. This is a true test of what a marriage is made of, these days, and right now, it feels like this:

So much for true love…

 

But, I still have hope that it will someday soon feel like this:

Again…

 

Love you, guys!! Stick in there with me, okay?

 

– bird

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43 thoughts on “A Pictorial Guide To Bird’s Latest Crisis

    • I’m the Queen of the Knee-Jerk Reaction…lol!!! Poor Chef. Half the time he has no clue what the hell I’m doing… :) You’d think he’d appreciate that I’m still a great big mystery, wouldn’t you think? Ha,ha.

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  1. Will certainly ‘hang in there with you’ and pray for the situation. Our marriage has withstood many a bashing …some serious bashing which like you can’t be put on ‘blogosphere’ for all to hear ..but I am glad that we stuck it out and now we do have the relationship that it should have been way back when… thanks to God’s grace and our tenacity…Diane

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  2. I will add you and Chef to my daily prayer list. It keeps getting longer and longer, but I know it is a good thing in the eyes of the Lord. I have never been married, so cannot empathize with you, but have had some friendships that have posed some huge challenges. But God…! God bless you both.

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  3. LOL! Love the way you shared your love for and struggles with Chef! Sounds like you are both going through menopause at the same time…lol. I can tell you this…men begin acting strange when their first daughter hits the age of 12, and continue to act menopausal until they are 50, then they act even stranger from then until they are 70. At 70 they begin to act like toddlers, sometimes with the added diaper change needed…lol. The real challenge is to be back into diapers and the toddler age attitude first, so they have to do the diaper changing for once in their lives….lol.

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  4. Bird, and all the Birdwatchers and Birdlovers out there, that was truly one of your best posts! I am a visual learner, and I guffawed and was blessed by every page! Sweetheart, the only thing I can possibly offer you is “This too shall pass” and “Thank God you have each other.” I know you know both of those things, but maybe just a teeny, tiny little reminder from a person like me, (just a little one) to encourage you in the fact that Chef is actually HERE, and you can reach out and touch him. Or shake him. Or kiss him, or slap him upside the head, is just such a blessing.
    Also, I am sure that I am one of a legion of women who will assure you that we in no way judge Chef, he’s a flawed creation just like the rest of us. You’ve been an awesome, wonderful example to me, dear, and I am certain you will continue to be.
    Thanks for sharing as much as you have, and letting us learn from you!

    I love you bunches, Baby Bird!

    Victoria

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    • Thank you so much for that reminder! I do try to focus on the fact that he is right here, right now. And I know most people would be kind about the things Chef is struggling with. But the fact is they are his personal flaws, and it wouldn’t feel right to blab them to the world…I have a ton to write about when he emerges victorious from this fight, though!! You have NO idea!!
      In the meantime, I felt good addressing only my behavior in a funny way because I know I must look like an insane person to him…my fleshly personality with its control freak tendencies is fighting hard against God’s specific instructions to leave all of it alone. Some days, I do well. Some days I don’t. And days like yesterday, I pendulumed back and forth so many times, I made myself dizzy. But, say what you will about me, I am no quitter!! I’m going to keep on keeping on until I either master my emotions, or die trying. :)

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  5. Oh Bird – firstly, I’m sorry you are going through tough times. Hang in there…
    secondly – amazingly fab post – love the pictures!!
    and thirdly… raised eyebrow… don’t be too hard on yourself
    ((hugs))
    Alex
    xxx

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    • lol..Thank you, Kelly! I don’t get called graceful very often, so it is always a sweet compliment to me.

      Thank you for the encouragement! I truly do appreciate it!

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  6. Bird, I hope and pray that things get better, that this is a passing phase in Chef’s life and that it will pass Soon so as not to keep you in distress and so stress your marriage. Love is worth working on and it’s worth putting up with some things… and though I don’t know the exact things, I wish for you a strong back, strong heart, and a quick resolution. Two things you do have working for you: your wonderful sense of humour, and your faith. Hoping for a happier road ahead, with Chef. ~ Lily

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    • Thank you so much!! I will play, but will do it in a couple of days, if that is okay. I have to space these out, and I did one yesterday. I appreciate the shout out!!

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  7. Bird,
    Chef and I appear to be around the same age, which got me thinking.
    This was in my drafts.I too write down my thoughts to sort through them. I thought about how to make this a post but I’ve concluded it won’t see the light of day.
    Maybe you can get some use out of it if Chef can relate to this at all.
    It may help you understand him more,…or not.
    Any how,…

    To me, A MID-LIFE CRISIS is when I realise I have to give up some or all of my dreams because I don’t have enough time left to make them reality.

    Time and circumstances beyond our control can dictate our outcome regardless of desire.

    I now realize i am in trasition from a dreams based existance to one of mostly memories.

    What I wished for never was and the reality of what is only reminds me of that all the more.

    Don’t get me wrong! All my family, friends, job, each are blessings, but I had a few dreams for life that I reserved under the file name,”maybe someday”, and now I know they need to be filed under,”Not Likely.”

    One consolation is that I still have the here and now.

    Blogging about Jesus helps tremendously, but I can’t put as much time in writing well as I want to.
    I admit that I feel some shame at ignoring the present. After all, the present has never forsaken me, though the future, as I have dreamt it could be, seems long gone.
    I suppose the grief I feel in a mid life crisis is similar to that of the loss of a loved one, only I’m the loved one.

    So I feel some measure of shame too. That makes it hard to talk about it.

    As with any loss, silence with sympathy, understanding and time, may give the best hope to heal all wounds.

    C.C.T.

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    • You have no idea how much I appreciate this comment. I’m printing it out, and setting it aside, in case Chef might want to see it… Thank you so much!!

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  8. Dear Bird, I pray for things to work out for you. You are such a beautiful couple. I know how hard things are for you right now, I’ve been there too. Hang in there…

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