Painful Reminder My Husband Is Gone


Tonight, my daughters took me out to cheer me up.


English: Love Question

English: Love Question (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


I have no luck.


We ended up at a bar and my husband’s bike was there. Long story short, I’m holding in my hand a love letter from the woman my husband has been cheating on me with. I know her, and she is a proclaimed Christian woman, in her twenties. The love letter says when she is with him she feels protected, safe, and secure. My heart is just killing me.  My husband hasn’t made me feel any of these things in a long time.


She goes on to say that she is truly blessed to be able to be the one in his life. Oh my God. How do you cheat with a married man and then think it is blessed???


She says it is an honor that is too good to be true; a love that she had always heard and not seen, but finally gets to see.


I would love to know how anyone could do this to his wife? Even up until the day he left, my husband insisted that we’d grow old together. He kept telling me he was just having a midlife crisis and he’d work it out, but that it had nothing to do with me.


Oh, God. I am devastated.


— Bird


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51 thoughts on “Painful Reminder My Husband Is Gone

    • It was therapeutic to know that I’m not feeling this way alone. Painful as it is, I know with my head that this can’t last forever. Thank you for sharing it with me.


  1. Bird – OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO, SO, SO, SO VERY sorry and sad and grieved for you. :( My heart breaks for you – I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling. Lord, we lift up Bird and ask for Your supernatural healing, peace, wisdom, strength and courage for today. Help her know, see and feel Your arms of love safely enfolding her. Help her see that Your heart is even more grieved than hers by this situation. I pray for Your Spirit to work in Bird, in Chef and in this extremely deceived young woman and that somehow in Your unfathomable power and mercy You might use this for Your glory and for the good of all involved. I have no idea how, Lord. But I know that You know what to do and I trust Bird’s precious, broken heart to Your loving hands. Bless her. Help her to cling to You in these dark moments. Surround her with believers to support, love and encourage her. Give her the strength for each baby step and each breath. In the Name and power of Christ, Amen!!!!!!!!

    SENDING HUGE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!


  2. Oh, Bird, I’M NOT SHY! I’m sure you’ll hear platitudes like “you’re better off that he’s gone, etc.” The bottom line is that the man who wanted to grow old with you is gone. My heart aches for you and your daughters.

    If there’s any way in which I can ease or take away the pain, even for a second, I’d do it. Is it enough this one time to say that you’ve got your online family who loves and cares for you; even though we don’t know you?

    What a painful reminder. Pleas, please please KNOW in your heart of hearts that he needed to wander and there was nothing you could have done to keep him=no, there I go, giving platitudes and advce and trying to solve a problem, Sometimes, I think our problems are meant to be had and owned for a while, though I’m not sure.

    Across the miles, your internet family (I think I speak for them) wishes you love and hopes that you find peace. Bird, please cry out again when you need to. We’er always here. Love Annie


    • I think I needed to see that letter, Bekkie. It made my hope die, and that was what was hurting me so badly. You and Cait did absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing!


  3. WOW!!! Did not see that coming!!!! I am sooo sorry, If you need to talk, cry, yell or pray then please call. I love you and im here for you at any hour!!!


  4. Hun the only thing you can take comfort in is karma is a bitch when it comes to pay back, and yes I know as a christian you are supposed to forgive but I’m not so I can happily say it, every feeling you have right now well this follish girl will feel them in time but she will also have to add shame to those feelings for her actions, she will ever have security as she will always be wondering if he will do to her what he did with her, while in time your pain will ease and the strong beautiful woman you are will rise to new heights xx


  5. I’m very sorry! It hurts now, but the truth is that it’s better that stuff like this happens sooner rather than later. You’re still young and pretty and you can eventually rebuild your life with someone who deserves you.


        • Who knows how anyone rationalizes this kind of thing? How do you trust someone to be faithful to you when they were sneaking around behind their spouses back? It seems stupid to me, but hey! It seems to be an epidemic anymore. My husband is almost 30 years older than this girl. Why would he want such a young woman on his arm? Wouldn’t that just magnify the difference in their ages? I don’t know. He has become a fool. I can’t stand a fool.


  6. Keep writing. It’s therapeutic.We hurt with you. In the end this new girl will find your husband has left her too. This kind of thing happens over and over. She is foolish to think Chief will stay faithful to her, if he can’t be faithful to you. He made his serious commit to you. Now he is “playing around.”


  7. christ petal – i can’t imagine what pain you must be going through – she might call her herself a christian but i don’t think she has quite figured out what that guy died for – we all love you cathy, remember that


  8. What does one say to someone who is hurting so badly? You’ve had salt rubbed into your wounds already present. How indeed could he and she do this and her think it a ‘blessing’ from who…from God? Certainly not! I can only pray for your feelings right now to be replaced with ‘righteous’ anger…and anger that you need to feel I think …at everything that’s happened..I write with tears for you…I’m going to send you an email….Diane


    • I look forward to your email. I love it when people write me, Today, I don’t feel any anger at all. Thank God. I really hate feeling angry…righteous or not. Today, all you guys’ prayers must of hit heaven like an avalanche because I have a peace that surpasses all understanding. I’m really finished with the whole hot mess, and I feel hopeful about other things in my life. lol…It is raining right now!! How cool is God??? oh, and send your email to That is the best place to reach me.

      Love you, Diane!!!


  9. I am sorry that you are hurting now. This will pass like a dropped dish that is smashed it is time to sweep up the pieces and keep going. Going forward is the best thing for you know and keep your head looking forward.


  10. Oof. What a punch in the stomach. Try and drink some tea. No, seriously Bird, been there, done that. You know, sometimes things are so painfully obvious they’re trite, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I don’t know how you got the letter, but shred it, and try as hard as you can not to get your hands on another one. I never thought it was possible to ‘stop believing’ the word of God, but as I get older I am not so sure about that. Some seed actually does fall on rocky ground, and people like that girl who appear to be Christians actually sort of shrivel up. You’ve said before you’re no one’s judge, and I love that about you. But there is a point where we have to realize that some trees simply give poisonous fruit, and our judgement is to run away, as fast as you can. Preferably into the arms of God, as he loves us more than alcohol, food or drugs.
    Dwelling about her leads nowhere good.
    Protected? Nope. He aimed darts at you, he will do it to her, eventually.
    Safe? Oh please.
    Secure? From an addict? Hardly.

    Blessed? Wow. Well, I don’t believe in karma, but Jesus did say ‘Vengeance is MINE and I will repay.
    What a sad, sad man, and a sad, situation. I am sorry for both of them, but not for you. You can do this, beaten down as you are.

    And not young? Oh my, some people just age like fine wine, sweet thing, and you and I are among them. :)

    Love you bunches,



  11. doesn’t the ‘other woman’ know that he’s still married to you? is she really christian? do you know where she goes to church? could you reach out to her pastor?
    that really ‘chapps my hide’. Praying for you and yours


    • Yes. She knows me very well. Yes, she goes to church, and yes, I believe she is a real Christian. Real Christians make crappy mistakes too. We’ll just have to see how it all turns out.


      • you should see how her pastor feels about her adultry, see if he will hold her accountable or per matt 18, treat her as a ‘non-christian’ because christians, if they do make big mistakes, repent when confronted. if they don’t repent, i wouldn’t let her near my church till she does.

        the body of christ should be your protector and that pastor should have your back.


        • I agree the bible says this, but what I’m concerned about is my motives. Right now, I’m a hot mess. I’m hurt, angry, betrayed, and feeling rather humiliated. If I were to go to her pastor, would it be because I was trying to help her, or just trying to hurt her like she hurt me? Until I can trust my motives, I need to leave her alone.


        • Rebekkah tried finding the church she belongs to, but no luck. I doubt it would matter much. This was Christianity 101 she failed at…Do not commit adultery. What good would embarrassing her in front of a church full of people do? She is already searing her own conscience.


  12. GRRRRR! If you read my reply on your other blog (Broken), you will see that I too experienced the stupidity of a mid-life crisis. I found one of those letters as well and, yes, it hurt, but it felt so good when I tore it into bits and flushed it down the toilet! Men are idiots during this period and are only thinking with (yes, I am going to say it) their other “head”. Keep your sophistication Cathy, you are the better person. And I do love Victoria’s comment.


  13. Bird,

    My heart breaks for you this morning and for the road that Chef has chosen to travel and the heartache that ripples out and destroys those that he is supposed to love — you and your children — while he lives in a fantasy world with someone half his age.

    Lord God, I lift Bird and her children up to you and ask your loving grace, your arms of comfort and support surround them during this sad time in their lives. Help them stay focused on you during this storm for it is in the storms of life that we can see you most clearly. Guide Bird, draw her close to you, give her emotional and spiritual healing and Christian sisters who will hold her, cry with her, pray with her, and love her through these days. You be her husband. Lord, for you adore her, you can and will give her security and a safe haven, you can envelope her in a Love that is beyond human words. Comfort her, hold her, and most of all lead her.

    In Jesus Holy Name I pray


  14. I can’t think of anything to say that can make you feel better. I know the pain you are feeling. I also know that although ‘time heals everything’ (ugh), it doesn’t help you at this point in time while you feel like you are being turned inside out without any anesthetic. I just know that there is a God in Heaven, and He is all-seeing and all- knowing, so nothing happens without His knowledge. And nothing goes unpunished. She cannot call herself a Christian while she is doing what she is. Take deep breaths (you’ll be surprised at how different it makes you feel!), keep your head up, and know that things will get better.


  15. Bird, your post brings tears to my eyes. I know words cannot do anything to change your situation, but I want to say that your attitude of forgiveness will bring you through this victoriously. It won’t eliminate the pain, but it will shut the door on the devil so he can’t bring in bitterness which would destroy you. I will continue to pray for you all. May the Lord bless you, comfort you, keep you, encourage you and lift you up into a new level of faith through this experience.


  16. Bird, that is what you call strong delusion. Trust me, though the words are painful, they both will absolutely reap what they have sown. I remember a family member did something similar. He later married his mistress and little did we know the trouble they had.The whole thing was an illusion. It was not flowers and candy like they projected. His mistress had a nervous breakdown and died many years later. What it looks like is not what it is and even if it is right now, it won’t be. As you know, God doesn’t bless a mess. Be encouraged! SAB


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