Why Do I Write In This Blog?

One of my readers, whose site I really enjoy, wrote a somewhat chastising message about my blog being a downer. And I took the day to really think about what he had said, and it led me to the question — Why do I write  this blog?

The answer isn’t completely cut and dry. For instance, when I began writing this blog, it was mainly for my kid’s entertainment and because my husband’s problem left me alone a lot, and I just wanted something to do. Then, when people started showing up here, and then sticking around, I was writing about different, funny things that had happened in my life. I myself love to laugh, and when things in my life are stable and good, I laugh all the time. But, as things in my life got harder and harder, I used this blog to vent, rage, and grieve. Have you ever tried to write something entertaining and funny when you don’t feel it? It doesn’t work, and always falls flat. It seemed though, that the more truth I wrote, even if it was shadowed by the pain and anger of what was going on in my life, the more people seemed to be able to relate, and wanted to share their stories as well. Everyone has a story, and most of us live through something that is hard. Most of us don’t belong to the Noodle Salad Club.

I agree with the comment that my blog has become somewhat hard to read, even for myself, and I am going to try to get back to writing about happier things. Believe it or not, I’m thinking that isn’t going to be all that hard any more. I’ve had a couple of really good days, and though I am still living in a precarious, unstable place in my life, I’m starting to find things to laugh about again. I no longer fear answering my phone, or shiver at every knock on the hotel door. I don’t have any idea what two weeks from now is going to look like, but I have a peace about it anyways. God hasn’t let me down at any point during this whole mess, and I’m kind of excited to see what He’s going to do for my family and me next.

My brother Ernie brought my two cats, Milo and Sebastian, back to me, and I live in a hotel room with two adult kids, two dogs, two cats, and me. I feel like the captain of a warped Noah’s ark. Sebastian, the Siamese cat, is still trying to figure out when the rich family is coming to get him…He’s so stuck up! We spend a lot of time in here, and we’ve actually developed a routine that I’m starting to feel comfortable in.

So, I do apologize for the sad turn that this site has taken, but I won’t apologize for writing the truth about what  is going on in my life, because in the end, this blog has been a catalyst into understanding myself, my feelings about all of this, and a record of each lesson I’m learning through all of this. If it is entertaining or helpful to others, that is a bonus to me, but if it is too much for people to read, I completely understand them walking away. I certainly wish I could have walked away from this whole rotten year…. :-)

Hopefully, tomorrow I can write about some of the dorky things that we do around here to keep ourselves busy, and I hope that you all won’t give up on me just yet. I appreciate all of the people who take the time to return, and frankly, you made my little trip through hell bearable. I do love you all very much!

– Catherine

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41 thoughts on “Why Do I Write In This Blog?

    • Thank you, Kyle! That makes me feel a lot better. I don’t want to depress people. And I really am bouncing back these days. Thank you for not giving up on me, Kyle. You know I adore you!

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  1. Clearly, he has never tried to sit and write positive things day after day while navigating an extended period of desperate grief. If I could, I would blow raspberries at him. And he couldnt find anything to write about other then how your log was a disappointment to him? Sounds like desperate writers lock to me. Keep writing whatever you feel like.

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    • Thank you for the fierce defense, but I’m glad he wrote it. I need to start focusing on the positive in my life, and there really is a lot of it. You, for instance. I always have someone come to my defense, even when I don’t feel like I deserve it. Thank you! And I can only write what about what happens from day to day, so I can’t promise it is always going to be happy, but I can promise, it will always be honest. Thank you for sticking with me through all of this!

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  2. be honest, the site has been depressing lately. everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, i read what she is talking about and he wasn’t rude about it. and as a result, mom is bouncing back to her happy go lucky ways. so try not to judge the man too harshly, it worked out for the better didn’t it?

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    • I love that you’re an honest girl, Bug. I LOVE that about you. And you’re right…it was time to get back to the happier things in life, and you are one of my favorite things God has blessed me with. :-)

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    • Thank you, transparentguy! Hopefully, the truth is going to be a little less emotionally charged in the future. I’m tired of that horrible roller-coaster ride through emotions. I appreciate your support!!!

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  3. Cathy, you have nothing to apologize for! If you commented feels it is too much, he can close it out and carry himself. You need to vent and we need to listen for you. I am here for you, so vent away!

    Ed

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  4. no one ever said life was full of roses. we need the ups and downs in order to grow and stay close to God. Lordy, wouldn’t life be the biggest bore, if all was peachy keen every single day!!! lol

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      • i like boring for a change, keeping up with Al’s PD can be exhausting so boring, yes, give me some for a few days, but don’t forget to bring back some good excitement and laughter, right?? lol

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        • Right!! Lol. I knew you would think like me….we live with some real grief, and at times, boring sounds like heaven. I love you, Terry, and no matter how strong I may seem to other people, you and I both know, you have the Strength Market cornered.

          Love,
          Your First

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          • aww geesh Bird. It is always me that draws from you. there has always been something about u that has drawn me close, never figured out what it was, but i felt it each time i read one of your post. i love ya and will always support u emotionally through all you go!!!!!!!

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  5. I have to applaud you for keeping up with the writing and it will make getting to more positive things easier. I totally shut down and had to really resist not writing at all. You’ve been honest. No one know how life is going to go. Yes, we sometimes need a removed person to tell us what we can’t see (I had no idea how “sick” I was until the 4th person asked, all because I kept posting to FB and when I went back to reread those posts I was amazed I wasn’t in the ICU!). So like bugletto said, if the nudge has helped you to realize you have other things to write about now then it was a good thing. But never appologize for being honest. You obviously needed to write about these things.

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    • I agree with the comment and Bug. It is time to let the past start fading and start focusing on a positive future. I was already thinking that before he said anything at all, and I really like this guy, so I gave him the respect of reflecting on what he was saying, and I am going to move forward. I’m sure I’ll still have bad days, but I’m thinking the worst is over. I haven’t had any flashes of pain today at all. I’ve laughed with my kids, snuggled with my animals, did a little work, and wrote on my blog. All in all, it was one very peaceful day. I’m sure I can start reflecting the healing in my writing now. :-)

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  6. i continue to pray for you and Chef daily. I know God has plans to bring good even from this awful, painful ,dark time. And I can’t wait to see what those plans are! Thank you for your faith in God and your spirit.

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    • Thank you, Peaceful! I can’t imagine how awful all of this would have been without all the prayers that were sent to heaven on our behalf. And I appreciate you continuing to pray for Chef, too. Even through all of this, I still worry about him. Thank you again!!

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  7. Your blog is real. Real is sometimes good, sometimes bad. That’s what real life is, both good and bad. Plus blogs are for the writer, more for the readers. If someone likes what they read, great. Otherwise, oh well, too bad, so sad. There will always be another blog, cuz writing is what we do.
    God bless you for living in a hotel room with two kids and 4 animals!! I can’t imagine the chaos. I hope you are in an extended-stay, or suite, and that you aren’t all in one room. The togetherness would drive me crazy! I hope you don’t begin fighting like cats and dogs! :) If someone asked, how can I pray for you, what would you say?

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    • lol..We are living in one room. It has two full size beds, a tv, two drawers and a desk. Oh, and a bathroom. We’re squeezed in here like sardines. Plus, all four animals insist on sleeping with me in my bed. So, I have a German Shepherd, a rat terrier, a siamese cat, and a long-haired orange tabby all piled up on me…Add in the hot flashes from menopause, and night time is a challenge. But, I wouldn’t have it any other way. :-) My kids and my animals make me feel peaceful and happy, so they are all worth it. If people would pray for a home for me and my entourage, I would really appreciate it. While I don’t actually mind living in this hotel, I would like some stability in my life, and maybe a yard for my dogs. They aren’t getting the exercise I know they need. And the chaos is kind of fun…I’m going to have to admit, it is crazy in here sometimes! Thank you for standing by me even through the bad times. I feel very fortunate that people were there to encourage me…I don’t know how people go through this sort of thing without that! God bless you, too!

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  8. I think most people write what they are feeling at the time…Sometimes it’s light and fluffy and sometimes it’s of a more serious nature..but either way there are people who do relate..and not everyone can relate to all blogs that we write..but it doesn’t mean we should stop…You write what’s in your heart whatever it might be and there will be those that want to read it….I for one….or is it me for one….In any case write Catherine………..Diane

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    • Hi, Diane! I tried writing funny pieces a few times when I wasn’t feeling it, and they were just terrible. I can only write about how I’m feeling at the moment, and trying to force something else doesn’t work. So, while I hated sounding like a downer, I was indeed down. But I’ve been feeling better, and I know that I have it in me to begin writing about some of the more positive things that I’m feeling. I agree. Someone is always going through the same kind or even worse kinds of situations I am, so I know it resonated with some people. But, I do want to show the glory of God, and He is definitely showering me with peace right now. I need to be faithful to write about those times, too. Thank you for sharing your story with me, Diane. I think about it all the time, believe it or not. I think God wanted me to reflect on it, and I appreciate you opening up to me like you did. :-) Love you, Diane.

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  9. Just want you to know that you and Chef and your children are still on my prayer list. The Lord is doing a work in each of you. It may be more apparent in some than in others, but He won’t give up on us. Keep the faith, follow His leading and you will be walking the victory way.

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    • Amen to that, and thank you for your prayers for my family. I agree. Sometimes it is hard to see what He is doing, but I’ve learned that I can trust Him. He’s not let go of my hand even once through all of this. :-)

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  10. If someone does not want to read your testimony too bad for them. We are the broken who have much to give back for the Lord will always bring us through. I myself do write about my trials also. It is my journal. I also write in hopes my family will read it. Are we not down in the valley then up and down again?
    Keep writing it is copacetic for you and us.

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    • Amen to that, Peaceinheaven! My blog has become my journal too, and now that you mention it, I always harbor this little hope that Chef reads it. I know some of it would be painful for him, but I really hope he reads all of the ones that really expressed how much I loved him. I like that I can go back and actually read the history of this walk through the valley, so I can’t be sorry that I wrote the way I did. But, I do need to focus on the blessings in my life, or the bitterness will take seed, and that I do not want. Thank you for defending me, as I feel unprotected sometimes. I appreciate you taking the time to write me…God bless you!

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  11. I never found your writing depressing. . . just honest. :) And I’m glad that you didn’t try to keep blogging about sunshine and butterflies while having to deal with something as hard as this has been. That would’ve added to the pain! Praying for you and your entourage a home, somewhere safe and blessed and filled with His beauty . ..like you.

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    • :-) I tried once or twice and they fell flat. I’m not a fiction writer…lol! I’m glad you understand why I was writing and didn’t find it depressing. I hate to be a downer for other people. That has been another crappy thing about all of this…it seemed to be all I could focus on or talk about. But, tonight Dj accidentally tazered himself and after we knew he was okay, we all laughed until we cried. It is all looking up again these day. Thank you for praying for a home for us….That is the desire of my heart right now. A home of our own! And thank you for your compliment…I hope to be a city on a hill again someday for my Lord….like you! :-)

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  12. Okay, first of all your blog is not a downer. Quite the contrary it is inspiring. It is about your life, your challenges, your struggles and your victories. Life is not always about just the good things that happen. No, it ia also about how we manage and overcome the bad things and therein lies the inspiration for others. So please do not take this person’s opinion to heart–it is just that–an opinion. I love your blog otherwise I wouldn’t keep coming back.

    Keep on being you and you write from your heart, whatever YOU need to.
    :)

    ivonne

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  13. Maybe you’ve been told this too many times, now, but I’m really sorry for that emotional roller-coaster you’ve had to ride. I’m glad you have been honest and the truth, plus the way God is helping you through all this, has been a benefit to others. And it sounds like you have a more honest perspective on life than you did before.

    It’s a frightening thing to see that evil master taking total control of a soul. I wouldn’t say all the past was deception, all the things Chef said to you. Likely he knew they were true when he said them. But someone else is doing the talking now–“the father of all lies.”

    Perhaps his latest flame sees herself as a “rescuer” — or is that desperate to be needed by someone. What a rude awakening she’s in for; I pray God it happens soon.

    Thinking of the comment about your blog being a downer reminded me of an incident at the Doughnut Shop where I worked. One day a ‘regular’ came in; she worked at a nearby supermarket. Her co-workers called her “Mouthpiece”–though never to her face. (and it WAS fitting.)

    Anyway, as I poured her coffee she said, very matter-of-fact, “I’ve had a pretty productive day. I filed for divorce, made out my will, and (one other thing)” Most of us can’t be so nonchalant about our marriage going to pieces.

    I have been thinking of you often and praying God will help you to better, brighter days. And those everlasting arms to uphold you.

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  14. Hmm, let’s see. As near as I can tell, Jesus promises us goofy joy, divine peace, and trials. Yep, trials. In my own writing about trials, I have discovered that this is probably one of the most unifying things that one person can do for another, Cathie. Trauma has this weird ability to make the traumatized person feel very isolated. It’s goofy and irrational, like “I Am The Only One Who Has Ever Had This Happen.” Frankly, I think that’s the enemy messing with us. I have been so blessed reading about your downer times, because I know that there are legions of us that have it rough, sometimes.
    Thank God it doesn’t stay that way forever, and we can support each other. I’m sure you feel like me, that sometimes just the idea of another person reading what I have to say makes me feel better.
    You’re funny, your kids are bright, you’re faith inspires mine. Keep it up , dear girl, you’re doing a great job.

    Much love,

    Victoria

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  15. I am not able to read ur blog much nowadays owing to lack of time. So, my comment is gonna b short, dont mind. :) My situation is far away from yours, but personally speaking, ur posts have made me a lot more resilient than I used to be.. Thanx from the core of my heart. I pray to my God for u.

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  16. clue for the apparantly ‘clueless’ chastizer… real life IS a downer sometimes. thank God it’s also often an upper, but real life is just that REAL. and to expect you to just leave out the ‘downer’ parts just so they can have a better ‘experience’ reading about your experiences seems to be a bit consumer-ish and insensitive (and those would be my more polite ‘inside voice’ words) to say the least.
    Brandy and I are praying for you and your family. God in Christ will help you to shake this all out for the better because you love Him and you are called to His purposes. keep looking up and He will be there with you.
    -mike

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  17. I love, love, love your blog!! It has been such an encouragement to me. I lost touch for a while, but I’m back and God’s timing is always right. You are still saying things I need to hear.

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    • Thank you for making me feel like it wasn’t all a waste or a downer. God knows what He’s doing, and He knows I want to serve Him. That is all I can say about my life right now… :-) Thank you for returning time after time. I feel very encouraged by the comments!

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  18. Proclaiming that “It IS Well”, while we are in our storm, is one of the greatest acts of faith we can do. I was listening to this song again today, and couldn’t help but think of you.

    I see the spirit of this bible verse come alive in your postings. Thank you for being real and for being you…

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