My Glass House Moments – It Isn’t Easy Being Me

Are you guys sick of hearing about the lessons I’m learning? LOL! Well, as this is my journal through this latest trial in my life, get comfortable with watching me stumble, fall, and then get up again. It is just what I do!

Yesterday, out of a desperate need for money for both of us, Chef agreed to let me sell some stuff that we had owned and split the money. It was a gracious offer, and I appreciate it. And during that process, he told me two things that really stuck out to me, and that is what I’m writing about today.

As all of you know, when Chef and I first split up, I was a mess. I was praying, but not really believing that God was hearing me, or trusting that He was in charge of all that I was going through. I already have extreme insomnia problems, so I was doubling up on the ambien so I could just sleep my way through the process, and then when those would run out, I would drink vodka like it was going out of style. Of course, as a Christian, this is very shameful behavior, and I hope no one takes my survival skills to heart. I am woefully weak when it comes to extreme emotions. All I did was make bigger messes, because on the ambien (which obviously wasn’t making me sleep), I wrote terrible, angry messages to both Chef and his new girlfriend, T. The vodka didn’t do that to me, so it was better to not refill the ambien prescription, because I was very ashamed that I hadn’t handled all of that better. Thank the Lord for His grace and mercy, and I’ve been forgiven for all of that. And I’ve forgiven myself as well. But I had planted some weeds in my garden, and yesterday I got a tiny taste of what I’d grown there.

Chef had lots and lots of things to say, but really, I’ve heard all of this stuff before, and I have a filter in my brain to catch the manipulative stuff. He seems hard pressed to hurt my conscience because T, his girlfriend, is, in his words, innocent, naive, and very hurt by what I said to her. He knows very well that I love the Lord, have a conscience, and I hate when I hurt my Lord’s reputation, which I’m sure that I did when dealing with him and T. Where I should have been silent, I was angry and bitter. When I should have walked away and let the Lord handle the vengeance, I instead sent angry texts messages calling her an adulteress and a home-wrecker. Now, yes. They are living in adultery, and my family is wrecked. But the thing to remember here is that even though I was the hurt party in this, I am still not allowed to sit in judgement of anyone else’s life.  And for that, I have apologized to both God, Chef, and T a while back. But evidently, T has been holding on with a firm grasp to the adultery things I accused her of, and was refusing to forgive me. ….Really….lol.

I listened for a while as Chef tried to convince me that T was a very good, devout Christian girl who just wants to be his friend because she loves him and doesn’t want him to be alone. When I would mention that you stop being a “good friend” the minute you sleep with someone, he would get angry and accuse me of trying to undermine the special friend relationship they had. Finally, that nonsense ended when I  told him that I don’t care about words — I’m seeing the fruit they are both producing, and that is not a crop either of them should be proud of. But, I forgive them both, and I’m trusting the Lord to do what is right in my life, and leaving them to their own specific lessons from the Lord. After that, for a bit, things were peaceful again because I wouldn’t talk about anything other than the happy times when the kids were little. And believe it or not, none of the conversation bothered me at all. No jealousy, no anger, no grief, no pain. Just a peaceful, breezy afternoon cleaning up things and taking pictures to put on Craigslist.

 

Towards the end of the time together, though, Chef brought up another one of T’s complaints, and this one really struck a chord in me. Her other complaint was that she was ashamed that such a poor Christian as me would write a public blog about God. :-o  I took a minute to wrap my brain around that, and for a few minutes I really took a minute to reflect on it. Then, I asked Chef if she has ever read my blog. He said no, they don’t own a computer. Again. Really? How can you judge my work if you haven’t seen it???

Here’s a couple of things I want to say about all of this. I am writing a blog from my own viewpoint, so of course, other people may see some things differently, and I accept that. I try to write as honestly as I can, even the gnarly things that I do. I never want to give my God a black eye, but I also don’t want to lie and make people believe that Christians have these roses and rainbows kinds of lives or that we never mess up in really, really massive ways. But if I didn’t write about all of the trials and tribulations, and the pain and misery that tends to walk hand in hand with those problems, then what value is there in the joy of seeing just how the Lord brought you through it? How do you share the lessons you are learning without explaining how you’ve failed? How do expect people to understand just how merciful our God is if you don’t explain why you needed that mercy? I was angry when I wrote a few posts, but I was very honest. I was hurt, lonely, betrayed, angry, and somewhat bitter. But I was truthful and I owned my own crap.

No. Being a real Christian isn’t a walk in the park, and it isn’t for the weak, but we should always be truly self-aware and honest, both with ourselves and with each other.

So, my answer to both Chef and T is this: I am working through this trial the same as any other person in this world would. I’ve made lots of mistakes, but I’ve also have repented for them. Repentance is not just asking for forgiveness but it also literally means to stop, turn around, and go the other way. There is no forgiveness without repentance. I’m probably going to make tons more mistakes, and as the Lord convicts me, I will repent of those too.

If only perfect Christians were allowed to share His Word, no one would be up to the task. I’ve forgiven both of you even though neither of you have apologized and repented of what you have done to me, the kids, our friends, and even our pets. If you have issues with me writing a blog, too bad, so sad. I feel like the Lord wants me doing this. You can always start your own blog and share the things that you two want to share, but until you’ve read mine, your opinions seem silly to me, especially since you are living together, claiming to be Christians, and not married to one another. Glass houses, people. They are hard to keep clean! I’m harder on myself than I am on either of you most of the time, and I hope that God continues to work in all of our lives. He loves all of us the same, and He wants good things for those who love Him.

– Bird

 

 

 

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62 Comments

  1. HAHAHA! Awesome post, Cath. A couple of things
    a) Part of that sounds like a teeny, tiny defense when T said that such a bad Christian should be writiing a Blog. HOGWASH! Your blog has done more in encouraging my own Christian walk than many sermons.
    b) I’d like to hear your thoughts about righteous judgement. I’m going live tonight about a dear woman friend who betrayed me, and it cut me to the core. My counselors reminded me that there is a different kind of judgement, having to do with who brings you up, how you want to live your life, who can encourage you or drag you down, etc. etc. I tentatively thing this kind of judgement is OK. I want to surround myself with women of character in my inner circle, and I misjudged this gal. She just doesnt make the cut. That is a judgement. What are your thoughts?
    Much love as always and KEEP IT UP!!

    Victoria

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    • Hi, Vic! That is a really easy question. We are allowed to judge the fruits other people are manifesting in their lives, but never the actual person. Example: I can judge the fact that Chef is committing adultery every single day that he lives with T. What I may not judge is Chef himself. It isn’t my place to tell him he’s going to hell or that God has forsaken him or anything like that. Only God knows what was going on in Chef’s mind, heart, and body when he made these decisions, so only He is allowed to judge Chef. But if we weren’t allowed to judge the fruit, how would we know if it was a tree we should be hanging out with? See? This woman’s fruit can be rebuked if it is rotten, but keep in your mind that only God can judge what kind of person she is overall. Hope that helps!! And thanks for the encouragement!!

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      • Hey! You know, it’s like a warm bubble bath to reread your post, dear. And you know, I knew your reply, it’s just so easy to let the hurt and pain of betrayal cloud things. You’re exactly right, “J’s” heart is unknowable to me, so I can actually only judge her fruit. As you know though, the wounds come when you THOUGHT you knew someone pretty well, and it turns out I was wrong. Love, Joy Peace, Patience, Self control, etc..those are what I want. For my friend to show a lack of self control, selfishness, hatred, I judge to run away. Fast. Maybe run away in tears, but run away.
        I got onto Paula’s blog, she sounds like someone special. In fact, I’m going to look at a lot of your readers, it seems like you’ve really helped dozens more than me, sweetie.
        Much love,

        Victoria

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        • lol…I gathered all the best readers! :-) I used to keep up better with their blogs,and I’m trying to catch up again. Trust me, you won’t be disappointed!

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  2. Well said Catherine..very well said!
    And we are not sick of hearing the lessons you are learning because other people can learn from these lessons also..
    And it’s true..there is definitely no forgiveness without repentance..I have been learning that a lot recently
    *hugs*

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    • lol..Me, too!! Every once in awhile I want to tear into T for being so judgmental of my Christianity when hers is suffering just as much on her Facebook page. But, God already forgave me for my round of revenge…I’m not falling for that anymore. Hence, repentance! How are you doing these days, Apple??

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      • I’ve called for forgiveness today for some of my behaviours of late as well..but like you said..without repentance there is no forgiveness! I’m ready for that new leaf I keep claiming is coming. It is now.
        I’m doing okay..
        I start my final year of University tomorrow..I’m not nervous yet..it probably won’t kick in until I’m walking to class..but otherwise..just trying to keep on the straight and narrow.. =)

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        • I’ll say a special prayer for you tonight that your straight and narrow way blesses you abundantly!!! Love you!!

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          • Thank you :)
            I’m trying..it’s hard..but I know it can only get better :)
            Thinking of you always x

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            • Christians who are determined to be faithful to their God will always be satan’s prime targets. If your life is humming along without a hitch, something is wrong. Hang in there. He is merciful to an unimaginable degree, so each time you find that you’ve failed, get right back up, wipe the dust off, and try again. That is the motto of my life….don’t ever give up, no matter how much you might fail. K? I’ll share it with you? Lol…

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  3. Dear Catherine, wonderful words of how anyone should live their lives wheather they claim to be Christian or not–plain common sense. Remember Jesus broke bread with everyone–the sinners, the prostitues etc. He said I came for those who are sick and in need. Your blog is how God is expressing himself through you and your trials and tribulations. That you do not give up, that you question your motives are all inspiring actions. Funny just last night I had a conversation with a friend asking me if I ever said I was sorry to my mother for something that happened when I was 16 and we were also talking about forgivng those even when they have not apologized to us. So here you post a blog about the very same subject. God is talking to me through my friend and through you and your words. I cannot see the message of forgivenss two times and ignore it. Thank you for being brave and willing to put your heart and soul on a silver platter for the rest of us to consume and to be changed by it. Is that not what Christ did? “This is my body take and eat it”, “This is my blood, take it and drink it”. As followers of God are we not supposed to give up our body, soul and hearts to God? Well, you are doing that with your words when you share with us.

    thank you for being the wonderful spirit that you are–you truly reflect the light of God in your words and your aspirations to make life better and to understand it.
    :)

    Ivonne

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    • I love it when I get comments that confirm I was hearing the Lord’s voice in a matter. Thank you for sharing that with me! And thank you for being such a good friend to me, both when I’m strong and when I’m feeling weak. I appreciate you very, very much!!

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  4. Okay I am not a christian so I can happiily say what we are all thinking who does the jumped up little trollop think she is. If none of what you said was true why would it bother her the answer is simple because she knows she is a home wrecking little whore simple christian or not, actually the fact you are a christian is probably the only thing that has saved her from being dragged round town and exposed for the hypocrite she is. How dare she question your faith when she has broken one of the commandments hell even I know thou shalt not commit adultery, I am sorry to pain anyone with such truths but there they are she is not a christian she is a slut she knew he was married and went there anyway her ‘religion’ is irrelevant grrr I wanna rag a chunk of her hair out for you. You have behaved far better than most of us would a few text messages hell she should be down on her knees thanking her ‘lord’ that is all she got

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    • Paula! LOL! I know you aren’t a Christian, but I have news for you…I’m praying you become one! You’ve been my fiercest defender through this whole thing…I loved you taking on the Bandidos. I can’t imagine Heaven being perfect without you there!!! I love you, girl!!

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      • I can’t see me converting but do what my other christian friends do hold tight to the idea i am here to serve a purpose and they will see me there anyway probably in their words giving the angels a mouthful for slacking on the job lol I hate to see anyone bullied especially my friends and you know if I had to stand between you and the legions from hell to defend you i would and I would send them running with their tails between their legs.

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        • I completely know that about you! You would make me look like a weakling should you join our ranks. We’d be following your lead!!! Thank you for always being there for me. Your loyalty is one of your most beautiful qualities!! And you don’t find much of that anymore in the world. :-)

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  5. bugletto

     /  September 23, 2012

    I’m gonna wreck that bitch if I ever see her.

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  6. My dear, you are one of the most honest Christians I “know”. :-) I am so glad I found your blog. The truth is that everyone has weaknesses, but few have the courage to talk about them. Never stop sharing the truth of your walk with God, that means the good the bad and the ugly. As for Chef and that woman, it’s a classic case of deflection..putting the attention on you, so they don’t have to focus on their own mess! Puhleeze!!! You’re fine…

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    • Thank you, Prophetic!! I’ve always thought that satan works best in the secret parts of our hearts. I want him to have very little to work with in my life, and I know that my worth as a person comes from the Lord, not from myself. So exposing the flesh I deal with isn’t all that hard, because I know I’m a work in progress that will be completed in Him one day. My hope is that Christians learn to start exposing those weaknesses and expelling satan’s hold on them. Everyone in the world knows they are lost left to themselves, so it should go hand in hand with feeling empathy and compassion for one another’s weaknesses, not judgments. Thank you for your beautiful compliment!

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  7. I Agree with every word of this! Too many “Christian” hide their sins, cover their mistakes, camouflage their weaknesses and they are the undoing of Christianity as we know it!!!
    Here Here !! – to what A Prophetic Walk said…
    I wonder what self-righteous excuses the enemy would feed them to right about?
    I wrote about this kind of honesty with God in my post http://innerangelsandenemies.wordpress.com/2012/06/27/when-will-w-feel-good-enough-already/
    I hope you get some confirmation from it! Bless you Sister!!

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  8. My question may be out of context of your blog post, but since you are a devout Christian, I would like to ask you one question. Please don’t be offended because I really want the answer in order to have a better understanding of the Christians, as such, though I don’t like dividing people on the basis of their religions-
    I have heard some spiritual lectures of some Christians in which they emphasize on hell way too much. Why is it so that the hell is taken as a matter of understanding our lives by many Christians? They say- You will rot in hell or you will burn for eternity or what else if you don’t follow this path…if you follow this and that path. I am making a comparison here for the sake of my understanding- In Hinduism, after anyone’s death(even if the person has been prone to negative deeds all his life), we say that the person has departed to heaven, engraving the same on his/her photograph even. Well, that example may be out of the context. But I wanted to share with you my thoughts, what I feel about this “hell” philosophy. Can you please make it clear to me? Why is there that negative presence?
    Love,
    HA

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    • Hi, Howanxious. I wrote out a whole explanation and then lost it. Instead, follow this link to understand what caused a need in some of us to find our true God.

      http://www.angelfire.com/mi/dinosaurs/lucifer.html

      Hell wasn’t initially created for man…it was created for Lucifer and the rebellious angels. It had to be enlarged because Satan (Lucifer’s new name which means Enemy) corrupted the human nature that the Lord had designed. We are built in the image of God…Father/Son/Holy Spirit ..but the spirit in every man born after Adam and Eve sinned died, and without our acceptance of Jesus, we have no live spirit. So, I don’t call myself religious..I’m most definitely not. But I am spiritual, for I was reborn in Christ.
      A lot of people with the best of intentions try to “scare” people into being “saved” with the use of hell, but I have never found that to be an effective tool myself. But the truth is this, the Bible says that unless we accept that Jesus, the only begotten Son of God, died as an ultimate sacrifices for our sins, we are in danger of going to hell with the other rebellious creatures who decided to throw in their lot with Satan. To me, it is an easy choice, because the Bible has so many prophecies that have come true to the letter, and it is the only religion on earth that a human being can not take any credit at all for saving himself. It is the single, only religion that saves a person through a spectacular gift from God Himself — grace. I hope you go read that site and that it answers some of your questions. I might have a few questions about your religion if you don’t mind. Would that be ok?

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      • Thank You for the information and the link. And if you would like to ask some questions-
        Yes, that would be completely fine. I was actually born into Hinduism. I do not follow any religion as such for now, I am still trying to understand the meaning of religion and the need for it. I still know about the ideology of Hinduism which has been taught to me.

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        • I appreciate you letting me ask some questions. I know very, very little about Hinduism, though I’ve studied almost every variation of Christianity as well as Islam, Taoism, and a few others.

          How does your religion work? Do you have to pay consequences for not following rules? Does what you do in this life affect you when you die?

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          • Yes, we have the notions of Virtuous and Sinful deeds, contrary to which we are subjected to endless cycle of birth and death. How we are born and what we face in this life depends on our deeds, on jobs we committed in our previous lives. We suffer for our sinful deeds, we prosper for the virtuous ones. Once we die, based on the same deeds, our souls are either subjected to pleasures of the heaven or the tortures of hell(though we don’t talk about it in our day to day lives. We don’t fear hell, for it has to be faced in case you have committed endless sins). Then, we would have to take another birth so as to achieve the purpose of life.The God, for us is more liberal. Moreover there are so many different sects within Hinduism, that it is impossible to understand such notions in a very definite way along with a definite purpose of life. We, all belong to the same religion but we all are subjected to different believes, based on the form of God we follow. If I try to tell you briefly the purpose of life in the Hindu ideology, for some it is to commit virtuous deeds so that our oncoming births would be full of prosperity, for some others it is to achieve the love of God, for some- it is to achieve enlightenment and for some others- it is to join the param atma i.e. the God- the home of our souls.

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            • I’m not asking this to offend at all, but does all of this feel true to you? I know that for a brief stint, I tried to change my religion, and it just didn’t feel true. It felt like a weird fairy tale that I was trying to convince myself was true.

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              • Yes, it somehow seems true to me, to at least a part of me- not because I am an avid follower of Hinduism but I have some belief in this ideology, just like you have complete faith in the religion you were born in i.e. Christianity and like everyone else who has complete faith in the ideology of their respective religions. Religion is a strange word, Maggie- it joins you with not only God but also with the people following that religion, with the people you are connected with.

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                • *Sorry, its Catherine right!

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                  • lol..That’s okay. Yes, Catherine or Bird.

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                    • :)
                      Well, if you would like to know more about Hinduism based on its mythology, I would suggest you a book- Myth=Mithya, written in a very unorthodox way by Devdutt Pattanaik.

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                    • I’ll check it out. I studied computer programming in college but what I really wanted to study was comparative religions. I’m always interested in cultures, beliefs, and how people become who they are. Thank you very much for sharing with me!!

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                    • Your welcome. Even I am quite interested in the same field for personal benefit of understanding myself better in the wake of understanding others and their religion, if I may say so. :)

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                • I will tell you a secret. I was born to atheists. My mother had to attend Catholic church when she was a tiny girl, but dropped out. My father still doesn’t believe in God. In America, we have a choice of religions designed to feed whatever a person may want. Even atheism is a form of religion here. The truth is God came to me, not the other way around. I was an abused child, and He saved me. I read my bible, and I prayed, and when I accepted that it was true, the whole book suddenly came alive to me. I studied in depth other religions to see if they made sense to me, and because of the uniqueness of it, and the fact that I can see clearly God’s fingerprints all over my life, I know with all of my heart, I have found The Truth. I would give up everyone and everything in my life before I will give up my God. :-)

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                  • Wow. Nice job, Bird. :)

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                  • Beautiful thoughts, Bird. As you say, it is all about acceptance- what we accept as the truth. If it wasn’t so, we would have all shared the same faith in the Almighty. But our faiths have taken so diverse forms, why! because we all have our own notions of the power which, as we say, governs us all.

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  9. Bird,
    Keep up the good work, continue to fight the good fight, and by all means, continue to write about it all! The world, and the worldly, cannot understand the things of G-d unless He enables it to be so. May they hear the love of Y’shuaJesus in your life, through all that you’ve experienced, and may He draw those who will be open to Him. After all: We fall. G-d raises us up. We fail. He succeeded for us already in Messiah. Praise the Lord!

    Lord Bless, Keep, Shine upon you and yours always. Wil

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  10. If you have been hard on anyone I think you have been the hardest on yourself.Yes you had some bad moments…and anyone who had the slightest imagination of how you felt and were being treated …especially those who were responsible for it all coming to be…would understand especially I would think ‘T’ a professed Christian…if she were to put on your shoes for a micro-minute.

    I realize that you are trying to move on and forgive…but I just had to add my two cents ….May the days ahead hold encouragement for you ….In my prayers…Diane

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    • Thank you so much, Diane!! Especially for your prayers. I believe some of those prayers are being answered daily in my life! :-)

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  11. i love it that you write so truthfully, it is the only way to guide others to God. You are a blessing, and for heaven’s sake, we never tire of your blogs, look how i whine, complain and ask for prayers so often!!! lol

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    • Terry, I don’t take care of a truly sick, helpless grown man every single day and night. You don’t park him in a back room either..You take him out, do things with him that you know he enjoys, dealing with some of the embarrassments he causes without knowing…Oh please. If I had that level of stress on me, I’d be the biggest cry baby in the whole world. You’ve already gone through what I’m going through now, and yet you have this added stress.

      Trust me when I say this: You are reaching hearts and minds for the Lord that I can’t reach because I haven’t lived and experienced what you have. You are doing an excellent job yourself of sharing your walk with the Lord, and I’m proud to be your friend. :-)

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  12. Oh my. You get more than blog awards, for all that you are doing and going through! A crown . . .you are gaining much, dear Catherine. I’m speechless at T’s offenses and thoughts about you. God bless you and keep you . . .and give you hip waders for when the crap gets too deep!

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  13. We learn early, that when we point a finger, we have three pointing back at us. :-|
    I, too, have had accusers, of late, and the amazing thinking abounds, doesn’t it.
    My timer is ticking. And I am praying. Cannot wait to hear the report. Much love and respect to you, Catherine. <3 K

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  14. If there is a way, to NEVER talk about his girlfriend, or about the recent painful past with Chef, than that’s the way to go! Maybe make it a stipulation of speaking with him again. Tell him, that good or bad, you simply don’t want to hear it anymore!

    This has kept many a wounded hearts from getting hit with even more pain. It is also a common coping mechanism within many twelve step support groups.

    Of course, you may have to be firm with yourself as well, in not wanting to hear any more about it. I had struggled through this with my father, thinking he was actually going to apologise. He’d start out sounding like it, but soon end up right back where he always was-in the blame game. After a while and after much pain, I finally learned my lesson. I pray you can skip all that pain and go straight for the peace! (Such peace did come to me, when I finally stopped playing on the teeter totter with him…)

    I sense an increased measure of the Holy Spirit in your writings lately. Your heart is more for Him now, and it shows.

    Keep letting your light shine before men,
    C. Dunamis

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    • I agree absolutely with you, Dreams! Really, it has become surprisingly easy to cut off conversations about his drug use and his girlfriend. We spent about 4 hours cleaning out the storage unit, cleaning the stuff we were selling, taking pix, and then putting it all back in. In that time, we spent maybe 1 hour total talking about any of that, and really, the blog comment is the only thing that mildly annoyed me. I don’t really want him back right now. Life may be a little unstable with me not having a real home at the moment, but honestly, everything else has gotten very, very peaceful. Thank you for your words of wisdom!

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  15. Terri

     /  September 24, 2012

    ok, I am going to make a comment. SCREW T and her feelings!! Did she give one rat’s a$$ about yours when she decided to make a move on your man and your life? ppssh!

    You keep on writing girl. I love reading your blog. Like many have said before, your writing make us take a look at our own spirituality and how we can do better for God and ourselves.
    PS – that Ambien can make people do some crazy things. I have some stories to tell about that.

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    • lol…Thanks, Terri! I’d love to hear your ambien stories…I have this weird alter-ego when I’m on it. I finally quit taking it altogether…I’m too unpredictable on it!

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      • Terri

         /  September 25, 2012

        whew, so was my husband. He sleep walked, thought raptors were in our trash and momar ghadafi and the Libyans were out to get him. He also was talking to my dead mother-in-law in our living room. It was freaking outrageous.

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  16. why does GOD make bad things happen to good people like me? that is so very much true in my case. all i ever wanted out of life was to meet the right woman for me, and have a family that i would have wanted. i was married at one time, and i was a very caring and loving husband that never ever CHEATED on her, but she cheated on me. i was very committed at the time to her because, i loved her very much. now that i go out a lot i seem to meet the nastiest women with their ATTITUDE PROBLEM. i did nothing WRONG on my part for this to happen to me, that is for sure. i just want very much to meet the RIGHT WOMAN for me this time around, and that would make my life very much complete. when i was married at the time, i always stayed at home with her. i had no reason to go out without her, since i knew at the time that i had someone to be home with. i was a one woman man to begin with, and certainly had no reason to CHEAT on her. when i look at the other people out there that have been so lucky to have met each other and have a family, it bothers me a lot because i would have wanted the same thing as well. the people out there now that have a life, should certainly go to CHURCH to pray and certainly thank GOD very much for what they have. it is the people like us that have it very hard right now, and are hurting VERY BADLY. this is why i will go out every single night, since i have no one to stay home too now. it is no fun at all being alone and single again for me. but i will try to be very strong, and hope that i will be at the right place at the right time to meet a good woman again. it seems that god makes so many people find happiness and not me. why? i do not know myself. he must have forgotten about us.

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    • This is a very heartbreaking thing to hear. In fact, your story has brought tears to my eyes. First of all, nothing in the world has ever hurt me as much as my husband’s adultery. I know what that feels like, and I promise you, the pain does fade away. As far as finding the right woman, people forget that sometimes we have to wait while our mate is prepared for us. Had I met my husband a few years earlier, we wouldn’t have gotten together because frankly, he was an arrogant jerk. But, after a bad breakup with his fiance, who cheated on him, he was humbled down a bit, and with time, his sense of humor came back. That was what actually attracted me to him in the first place. His laughter.

      God isn’t making bad things happen to you. People are. And God doesn’t like that this has happened to you at all, and your wife if she remains unrepentant, will reap what she has sown, without God’s mercy. And should she fall down on her knees and beg God for forgiveness, He will grant it, but we all still reap what we sow down here. Always try to plant good stuff in the garden of your heart, because trust me, there’ll be a harvest eventually — good or bad.

      You sound very hurt, and in turn, very angry and lonely. Take this time to grieve, but instead of blaming God, take a look only at the things that you might have failed to notice you did wrong. You sound like a very devoted husband, but I’ve never seen a marriage that ended that didn’t have some real problems on both sides. You can’t worry anymore about what she’s done wrong, but only what you can change in yourself to improve for the next one that comes. Next, you have to forgive God. He did not do this to you, and He doesn’t infringe on any of our free wills. Make peace with God, and you’ll find the peace that I have now.

      Once you have done these things, I’m betting that God will send a faithful woman who loves you to share your life with, and she’ll be even better than the first one, because God, who knows what we need better than we do, will have chosen her.

      I pray God heals your broken, lonely heart. :-)

      – bird

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  1. Breaking Satan’s Power Over A Situation « Everyone Has A Story

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