It was necessary, I think, that I had no contact with Chef for the time that I did. I know that being married to him for so long (most of my adult life), I had come to rely on him quite completely, and he on me. But the separation has made me learn to depend on the Lord for my needs, and not Chef. And during that time, I was able to reflect a lot on the dynamic of our relationship, and even some of the mistakes I myself had made in my life. I live in a glass house myself. Turns out, after that time of crippling pain, God was able to take the forgiveness I was trying to force myself to do, and bring it to fruition. I have indeed forgiven Chef and T.
The truth is that my marriage is pretty much dead. I’m not saying that God can’t resurrect that which is lifeless, but I don’t know if I see that in my future anymore. My new, more important hope for Chef now is that he is able to find the Lord, on his own, and understand the true blessings that come from trusting the only One in the universe that can truly be trusted.
Chef and I are at peace with one another again, in a friend capacity only. We are splitting things equally, and trying to make things easier on the other person as much as we can. I have not stepped in the Lord’s territory, because I’m only able to help in very small ways, and since I’m trying to love my neighbor as myself, I don’t turn him down when I can help a little. The sense of being enemies is just gone for me. I don’t feel like he is some heartless enemy any more, and we’ve had long discussions about T, who sounds like a very baby Christian who has not been taught well by those who were pastoring her. She knows lots of sermons, but very little about what the bible actually says. And of course, the teacher in me rises up, and I find myself giving her verses to explain things now. And I’m not talking “revenge verses” about adultery, but instead the difference between grace and the Law. She didn’t understand grace, so her guilt was tremendous about what she had done to my marriage. She’s been a very abused child, and in my opinion, still is, so I can now see the attraction she felt for Chef. She’s been left unprotected most of her life, and Chef is a good protector if he cares about you. I don’t condone what they’ve done, or are doing now, but I can show mercy, because I kind of understand how all of us were deceived by satan. And mercy, my friends, encompasses a multitude of sins…I need all of it I can get! :-)
If that isn’t true forgiveness, I don’t know what is. And considering how horribly I dealt with this in the beginning, it has to be a gift from the Lord. I thought I’d never feel forgiveness for them. Oh, I was determined to forgive alright, but I thought it would take years before I’d actually feel it. Nope. This seems to be a permanent forgiveness in my heart, and it has to have been planted there by God.
I no longer care about seeing them together. In fact, he feels more like her partner than mine anymore. I am more interested now in finding the path that the Lord wants me on, and if that means being married again one day, He’ll be in charge of choosing the next man, because I totally blow at picking for myself!!
Chef told me that he was kind of freaked out because for a professing Christian, she seemed to not know much about her beliefs. He was amazed because things that I’d tried to teach him would pop into his head, and he was able to give her instruction. And as this had been happening a lot lately, it, in turn, was making him miss God.
I love that because of T’s thirst for knowledge about God, which is awakening in her, Chef in turn, is starting to look for the Lord as well. That makes me feel hopeful for both of them. If it took something like this to save two people and bring them into the kingdom, I’m at peace with it. We are supposed to be laborers bringing in the harvest, not living happily married Noodle Salad lives.
Please always keep both Chef and T in your prayers. God can turn any evil into something good, and I pray that He breaks satan’s neck with the beautiful things that can come out of this. And I hate satan, so every time Jesus kicks his butt, I’m delighted!
17 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. [o]Respect what is right in the sight of all men. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but [p]leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21
- My Glass House Moments – It Isn’t Easy Being Me (birdmartin.wordpress.com)