I So Want My Baby Back

I don’t know what to write.  I live in an apartment that strippers and prostitutes ask for money every day at my door. I still love my husband who loves someone else. I work hard, but it only fills some of my time, and I think it is too early try to find someone else. What can I write about that will help someone else? I am so sad, and yet so sure that I’m actually going to make it. Maybe that is worse because I know that life will move on without my sweetheart.

I’m so sorry I’m no help some one else. I just know that something has to give. Oh, God. What will I do now?

Bird

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36 Comments

  1. Let’s write about living, eating and breathing healthy. Developing self trust. I’m struggling a little with that. But I am a positive person that is going through career change, and just many changes my wife and I are going through at age 55 and heading into golden years.. Nothing overwhelming, just like living a healthy life style and having fun enjoying the simple things in life.

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  2. Honesty is just as useful as a long-winded sermon. You live your life openly before us, and that is what has helped many. The fact that you are willing to not sugarcoat it. This blog is diary, your testimony, and the one currently stable home. It’s fine to let your vulnerability and hurt speak for you too. I love you Cathy, take care <3<3<3

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  3. Catherine…you will go on and take each day as it comes…I wish you had better surroundings where you live..but perhaps this place is only temporary for you…I pray each day becomes easier for you and that you don’t hurt so much as you do now..As a fellow blogger always says…’There is hope”….Diane

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  4. Marissa/lucy

     /  October 20, 2012

    DONT GIVE THE HOOKERS MONEY!!!!

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  5. Wait for the next day. And the next, and then the next. Eventually, this will become background noise.

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  6. Yours truly

     /  October 20, 2012

    How about some cosmic relief in the meantime? If you have clear skies tonight, check out the Orionid meteor shower, best viewed in the wee hours before dawn.

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  7. Don’t worry about helping others just now. Concentrate on getting yourself stronger and look for others, and especially the Lord, to help you through this. You will again be able to help others when you have worked through to joyous victory. God is able even if some days you feel you are not. The Lord does have a plan for you even if you don’t know what it is right now. Hide yourself under the shadow of His wings and receive His comfort, His strength and His overwhelming love. I’m still praying for you as are many others. We are standing with you.

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  8. I’m nobody to you, but maybe consider a move, Love,

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  9. Make a list, baby. I made two. One, the “Love List’, honest things you loved about the guy. It’s cool, and it makes sense that you would love these things. The other list I made was called ” The Yuck List” and included the devaluation, the dismissiveness, deceit and lies. And in your case, fear for your safety, which is just soo important to keep in the front of your mind.
    Then, hang on. It’s hell, but this too shall pass. I promise. Much love, V (AND think about things to look forward to, like coming to see me. :)

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  10. Hey I know I haven’t been on with you in a while but I think now might be the right time. That will be up to you if I am right or wrong.
    But I am going to post this anyway and you will do with it what you will.

    You are in a bad place and what I am about to say is going to sound a little bit harsh I think. But I think if you pray about it you may find solutions in it. You have faced a hard core ordeal and it is tearing you up inside. First you are going to grieve. But when the tears dry up and the weeping does not you may well find yourself slipping into a depression. Not that is unexpected but that if you stay long it can ruin your life. So in the hear future you will have to decide between excuses and obstacles. If you opt for excuses you will fill your life with plenty of those and little will come of this. But if you chose obstacles you may stare at them blankly for a while not knowing how to get through the problem. But you will always be looking at the problem as something to get through rather than be over taken by. I want to share this with you.

    As near as I can tell you are a true believer. Your soon to be ex was not. As the bible says if the unbeliever wishes to go you are relieved from responsibility. The right thing to do is let him go. Besides Chief is the name of a dog not a man. ;) So you opt to let him go. Now what you need to face is who you really are. If we were talking in person I would ask you that very question. You will tell me your name and I would say no thats your name and repeat the question. And this would go on until either you understood my point or you got mad about it. But this is print so we just cut to the chase. You name is Cathrine and you were his wife. But that is not who you are never was. The real question at this point was you need to figure out “Who are you to Your YHVH” Most people don’t know the answer to that question because so few ask. I don’t have the complete answer for you. But I have part of it. And I want you to find the part that I have and use it to help you find the part that only you can find for yourself.

    Right now you are feeling broken and grieving. But who you are is not broken. It is how you feel and how you feel is very real to you. My understanding of your suffering is very real to me. I see a woman who is facing the idea of wondering if she can be loved and the answer scares the life out of her. I might be wrong in that but I doubt it. So lets go back to Who you are and the answer. The answer you probably have right now is that you really don’t know who you are. That is a better place to be than a false answer like giving your name. Part of who you are based in the question of Who do you want to be. I faced that question and came up with a fast answer. I want to be a husband worth having. Do you want to be a wife worth having? How about Do you want to be a wife to a good godly man or another dude who will step on you? As you know I am a guy and that colors my answers to this situation. So I am going to give you the answer that I found that worked for me as being a man. And you need to take the information I share with you and turn it into how it relates to you as a woman.

    I got my view of women from the first Chapter of Gensis. I went to the word in that ol bible and and decided that there had to be something in there as related to being a husband. What did the bible say about being a husband. I found lots of things. And many things that were written to a wife as well. But I decided to ignore those things. Because they were not written to me. I will never be a wife. Not ever.
    So I focused on being a Husband that HE wanted me to be. In that I found a deeper faith. I found other attributes of YHVH because I was searching for who I needed to be in HIM. I dare say you need to not focus on what you have lost but rather focus on what will come.
    You can learn to be a godly wife without hindrance right now. You can learn about His promises. You can learn what it takes to have those promises. You have an option right now of how to have prayer profoundly answered every time you pray. How many people do you know who have that. Prayer that is answered with a profoundness that is not ignorable. My answer is No one. I have never met another person who is willing to pay the price of having answered prayer to the tune of watching mountains fall into the sea. Just as Yeshua brought the life of a healthy fig tree to an abrupt end just because he was hungry and figs were out of season at the time. We have been taught over and over life our faith based on the mediocrity that comes with a forgiveness based faith instead of a obedient based faith. Yes we need forgiveness. And Yes we will file. But remember Abrahams faith was attributed as righteousness. And a righteous mans prayers avails much. You might be a woman but it still pertains. In the simple seek and you shall find.

    If what i have said sounds like Jobs friends I am sorry. Please forgive me. All I know is that when I turned away from what I lost and started seeking what I might have from my Heavenly Father I began to feel better about loosing my wife. And even little pieces of me feels a little better about loosing my children. Though much of my heart still grieves for them and where they are. Remember as soon as you lift your hand from the mud pit covered in disgust of what you fell into, HIS hand is already waiting to reach down to His beloved daughter and pick her up. He will take her to the still places where the waters are cool and clean and give her drink and teach her the ways of who He is.

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  11. don’t answer the door and don’t give money, you know that we each have up and down moments and days, this is a down moment. praying for an up moment that last much longer than a moment

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  12. Hi, Catherine. The Kingdom of Heaven is like a multi-dimensional time-space reality. A state of mind. All across the world, people have been breaking up. Since this is the last days, you’ve been raptured! Get it? My sense of hearing is good, I heard the Archangel yell, and so the rapture is over. Subtle, isn’t it? The rapture is yearly, at the Feast of Tabernacles, most likely the last day, since GOD wants us to party, and during the 2nd or 3rd watch. If you feel confused, you are now living at a higher vibration than before. Don’t be surprised if you are shut-in for a while. I suggest doing more online to make money, b/c you don’t belong or live in the world anymore. You can go out, but not for very long, b/c you are a heavenly being and you don’t belong out there. When you physically die, you will go to the New Jerusalem. Or you can go now? Try asking the ladies for money, they should give to you, b/c you are their saint or priestess. Pray for them daily, they should support you,

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  13. Catherine, the reason you became Christian is you are a Jewess. The Bible, OT, talks about every Jew being called back to Jerusalem, Aliyah. If you believe, hold that as a goal, the New Jerusalem is Hollywood, Los Angeles, CA. Remember? Hollywood and Jews? If you make it here, the city will help you. Los Angeles is run by Jewish people and money. It is city of GOD and city of Angels, I believe you are good enough! You can make it here,

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  14. I met the boss of the gang here, they are ready to accept you.

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  15. Dear Catherine,

    I am so glad you posted something. I was beginning to worry about you. Do not worry about writing anything special to help others. Just write what you need to for you. There will be a message in that, that someone out there will connect to. And in that connecting with another soul you will have helped someone. Ok I am going out on a limb with this next one. Jesus surrounded himself with prostitutes and sinners and when he was reproached by others he said he came for those who were sick. Those prostitutes and those drug addicts were someone’s child before they became those people. Maybe you are meant to talk to them about God and faith. Maybe you are meant to know them as real people and not the labels. You do not have give them money when they come knocking at the door but what about giving them a blessing? What about a prayer for them that their lives get turned around? Maybe there is a reason God has you still living there. Maybe there is somebody in that space that you are to help them by bringing them God. Now, please do not do something that is dangerous. Maybe these women see your light and are drawn to it. I am guessing that they must have been in really bad situations to have become strippers and prostitutes–but Jesus did not turn them away..he said he loved them and to sin no more. Maybe these women just need to hear that God loves them and there is another way.

    Also it’s ok if you are still in love with your ex-husband. But it’s probalby more like you are in love with the good version. in love with the promises of the dreams of the future. This too shall pass it just takes time.

    You will be okay and you already are a blessing to those of us that follow your words.

    hugs and kisses

    ivonne

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    • Ivonne, I think you have said a wise thing about Catherine ministering to the prostitutes and strippers (without jeopardizing her safety). Most of us never come into contact with these people, but they are lost souls just waiting, though they don’t know it, for someone to share the love of Jesus with them. I somehow think that many of them feel trapped, believe that they can never get out of that lifestyle, and the message of God’s love and the availability of salvation for them may be the very thing to get them out of the grip of the enemy. And it would get Catherine’s mind off her own problems for a while and bring a sense of purpose.

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    • What she said. Yep. <3

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  16. you don’t have to help anybody else now honey, just take care of yourself and let others be there for you ♥

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  17. praying for you daily and for Chef!!! BIG HUGS!

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  18. If you get a lemon, make lemonade. Or something.
    The Bible says we are to give thanks in all circumstance. I didn’t say that,and I don’t always do that, but I know when I don’t practice thanking Him for everything, I am not blessed and when I do, I am blessed. Just quoting: ” . . . for this is the will of the Lord in Christ Jesus for you.” Sighs. It is hard, but yet, easy. Just saying thanks to God for the current circumstance is hard to grasp, but an easy thing to do. And with such clear directions as that, it is amazing how many times I do not do what His word says to do. Yet, when I do, the blessings follow.

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  19. Jimmy

     /  October 22, 2012

    First thing that pops into my head.

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  20. HAHAHA! to Jimmy! You know, sweetie, Ivonne hit it on the head about the ‘good’ versions. I was just talking with a mutual friend of T’s and mine, and wondering about how people can turn,and turn on you in such a frightening way. I was able to bless my friend withmy hope in Jesus, while she was in the depth of her despair about the inexcusable treatment she’s gotten from her husband. (She’s disabled, and he’s trying to evict her from their home. Disgraceful.) So many things we have lost, so many things we’d like to get back. I hate this, but it’s true, God’s timetable is different than ours. If I hung on to Chris, or T, it would SOOO interrupt what God very likely has coming on the timetable for me, because my hands would be full, and not with something good. But, then you knew that already! :) Much love, V.

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  21. Write a book, Bird. You’re a great writer and you enjoy doing it. Also, it will help you see your life more clearly . . . and you will help others in the process. Whatever you write, I’ll buy it (unless it’s like $1,000 or something).

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  22. Take one day at a time..one day..breath by breath, step by step..and remember..we’re always here for you :) x

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  23. Oh my goodness….I’ve been away from WP for a while and hasn’t seen posts for a while. I’m so sorry :-(

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  24. My Little Bird…I have missed being here and realized that I am far too multi dimensional for just one topic. Made some changes and Now the “rest” of me is on The Lone Marble. My heart is a little sadder right now. But I know your pain…

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