Welcome Back, Chef!

chef on his bikeOnce upon a time, I was happily married to my prince. Over two decades together, we’d settled into a routine that worked for us. Throughout the formative years of our relationship, we’d struggled in almost any area of life you could imagine, and we’d weathered them all. We were a magnificent team…unstoppable. Neither of us thought we had any reason to fear the future. And then, in a blink of an eye, the ride came to a screeching halt, and I was pretty sure one, or both, of us weren’t going to make it out alive. Mainly, I pretty much was sure he wasn’t going to make it out alive.

In April of 2012, I wrote a post called I’m A Casualty In My Husband’s War Against Time. For many months preceding this post, I’d been freaking out secretly about my husband’s sudden addiction to meth, this growing ego he was developing from being blitzed and in an outlaw motorcycle club, fueled on by the sudden realization that young girls can be stupid enough to want to ride on the back of a motorcycle with a man who is talking to his “special friends” that no one else can see (as long as he has a patch), and pretty much doing everything in my power to get him to want to stop using drugs. Turns out, I’m not as powerful as I’d hoped, and I not only failed, but I failed miserably. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help, and it only took me a whole year and some months to figure that out. In the meantime, I’d suddenly found that in my frenzy to save Chef, I was in fact, losing myself.

While I would definitely describe myself as a very devoted Christian woman, I still have a lot to learn about God, His Son, and what He expects from me. I haven’t been a very good example throughout this drama. I can admit freely that I was pretty sure at the beginning of this crisis I wasn’t going to be. :-) It is always easier to know what you should do than it is to actually do it. But I have striven to share honestly, even though some of it was beyond humiliating, and now that life is not so chaotic these days, I’m even beginning to appreciate all that I’ve learned throughout this saga.

Chef has been on a related, yet different journey this whole time, and he had the added misfortune of having pissed off a woman with a blog who doesn’t really give a crap if people judge her, and had no qualms about talking about the most intimate issues a person can possibly have. I’d apologize, but I would probably do it all over again. So, I basically took something awful, painful, and full of big emotions, and broadcast-ed it for the entire world to see. Step by step, I mapped out my journey through hell. And Chef’s head would just explode every time he read about his life on my blog. My therapy was his worst nightmare. :-)

Chef is sober these days, and has been for a little while now. Lessons – By Bekkie was a cry from Rebekkah, our daughter, for the salvation of the man she calls “Dad” and she describes the desperation she felt at not being able to force him to make the right decisions. I’m happy to say that Chef is saved now. Thank you again for all of your prayers.

I basically summarized the root cause of this whole mess in my post Satan’s Favorite Drug Ever — Meth, and I often prayed that the real Chef from my life prior to October of 2011 would return long enough for me to say good-bye and thank you to, and thankfully that has come too. Chef’s ex-girlfriend had expressed a desire to write a post of this blog outlining her journey, and while I still hope she eventually does it, I’m not holding my breath. I imagine she’s glad this ride is over, too.

Chef is dealing with some hard realities, and each day is taken minute by minute. It must be horrible to have been so out of touch with reality and made so many mistakes that literally decimated the life you once had, for so long, only to have to face it again. Often, he has expressed the desire to have just died in the middle of his meth-haze rather than have to see all the devastation he caused all around him. But, he is doing it. He’s now employed, and finally he is laughing again. Not nearly what I hope he will be in the future, but that crazy sense of humor is creeping back.

I’d like you guys to all welcome Chef back to Earth. We missed you, Chef!

– Bird

 

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31 Comments

  1. So good to hear of Chef being saved. Even though I don’t know him, that never matters. It comforts me to hear of anyone entrring eternal life as opposed to damnation.

    Are you and Chef a couple again? I fell out of the loop on reading much in here lately.

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    • No. We aren’t making any hasty decisions at the moment. His life is ripped up, and he has to get his feet underneath him before he can think about anything else right now. He’s employed now again, and we’re leaving the rest to the Lord for the moment.

      I will say that he’s still easy to love. :-)

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  2. Thank, God!!! What happens after ia of course up to God, you and Chef; but for now I’m just happy your children are beginning to get back some of the man who existed throughout their childhood. I’m also over the moon that he has made it through the first part of this, but now the really tough part:- picking up the pieces and facing the consequences are ahead of him. I’ll be praying that the load doesn’t make him stumble and feel too disheartened. Thankfully everyone has come out of this stronger, and wiser though a bit scarred. ♥♥♥

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  3. There is much joy in heaven… and also here on earth. I am glad to hear that he is on the road to recovery… and I’m sure while it will take some time ..it is and always has been in ‘God’s time’… Diane

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  4. You have a big heart Birdie, hugs and kisses to you and your family.

    ivonne

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    • Thanks, Ivonne. I’m cautiously optimistic. I’ve seen too much to just think it is all magically over now. Thanks for hanging in there with me!

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  5. ‘We were a magnificent team…unstoppable.’

    He is very lucky to have your support, whatever your relationship ends up as. It sounds as though your family is still a team, against some pretty harsh odds, It must have been an extremely strong unit to withstand this. I’d suggest instead: We ARE a magnificent team…unstoppable.

    I hope you now get a chance to make some more happy memories as friends. Continue taking things slowly and know how much I admire your strength and capacity for love. Welcome back Chef!

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  6. grammatteus

     /  July 20, 2013

    After following some of your posts, written from your ever-breaking heart, this has brought more tears to me, but tears of joy. Praise God! And praise him that he hears prayers. For now, remember that we are ALL human, and perfection and complete healing should not be expected, but HIS GRACE is perfect, and relying on that (as I believe you have all along) WILL get you and Chef, and all your family through each day, every day, on your journey to a better place that he has prepared for you.

    I have seen clearly how much you loved Chef, and your dedication, but it is your dedication to Christ and the faith that he has gifted you with, that has seen this day before it even happened. I’m choked, but I am praising God. We shall meet some day on that beautiful shore.

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  7. grammatteus

     /  July 20, 2013

    Reblogged this on Moving to France: Grammatteus’s Blog and commented:
    Want to share some good news… someone whom I feel I came to know a bit through the internet. She liked one of my blogs, I read some of hers, I felt her pain, I saw her faith, but now I see her prayers answered. Share in the joy at this news along with me…

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    • grammatteus

       /  July 20, 2013

      Ahhh! This reblogged to the wrong blog since my primary blog now is NOT my primary blog! Have to redo this

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  8. One day at a time Chef…oh and…give my husband a call and get him to a meeting :)

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  9. God is still in the miracle business! Oh, Bird, I’m so full of joy for all of you that I’m weeping on my keyboard. Peace be with you, dear lady, and may the Lord show you and Chef and the rest of your family His love in unexpected places every day! — Kelly

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  10. Good news! Praying that you both continue to walk into the freedom He has for you! Check out Christian Motorcycle Associatian. They would make a great support system for Chef, and you too!

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  11. Welcome back Chef.
    Remember, Good company reforms bad character.
    Christ is the best company.
    We’ve all been characters in need of reform and honestly, will always be dependant on Christ.
    We wish uou the best.

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  12. OH MY GOD!! I can’t describe how happy I am for you and Chef. God can do the IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!! God is still working on my son, and I know that it is just a matter of time and he’s be back to earth too. Thanks for allowing us to take this journey with you. :-)

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  13. Good luck sister. Meth is ugly. And that is coming from a bartender (which technically makes me a legal drug dealer) I hope and pray it all comes into place for you.

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  14. Then, I got to see up close and personal just how protective these people were with their young, and anyone else’s children as well. I laugh because for all the jokes about them being dumb, I find this lot of people pretty damn smart. And I watched a convicted child molester try to join. Guess what? He didn’t get very far. They have this uncanny ability to sniff out the people who hurt the innocent, and he was sent packing. I’ve watched serial adulterers join, thinking the women would be easier to lay, and those guys are gone too. I’ve watched liars join, and be escorted away from the family. In fact, I have to say that I know a ton of bikers that are professed Christians on varying levels of their walks with God . So much for judging books by their covers.

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  15. What a remarkable testimony, I will keep you and hubby in my prayers. I have dear friends who are over 10 yrs recovering alcoholics. So I know with Gods grace love of your spouse and determination he will succeed!

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  16. I am so happy to hear your good news. I have not been here for some time. In fact, I have not been on the computer much at all over the past weeks, but I am glad I never stopped praying for you and your family. God answers prayers, especially when there are many praying together in unity. God bless you all.

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  17. I commend you and Chef for your faith first off, and him for listening to the one he loves. It’s pretty incredible he came out of this, because sometimes they don’t make it. I’m sure you know this. So God bless you for fighting and him too for doing so. We have a huge responsibility to the ones we love and ourselves as God’s creation, most never connect to. But I think I’m meeting a pair of unique and blessed individuals here…

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  18. Having just read, and commented on, your personal introduction, my eyes filled with tears to read how God is in the process of answering the prayer I expressed there. He is faithful, and nothing is too hard for Him, even when we can’t imagine how Hi’s going to do it.

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  19. thanks for the follow, I hope the Lord continues to work mightily in you both. Seek and you shall find! God bless.

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  20. You are a brave woman, Bird. Keep writing; it is therapy for both of US. You are not alone; I was dragged into a horrible relationship myself (wife of 2 addicts. I feel exactly as you are so perfectly describing.) Exactly as you are saying here:”In the meantime, I’d suddenly found that in my frenzy to save Chef, I was in fact, losing myself.
    While I would definitely describe myself as a very devoted Christian woman, I still have a lot to learn about God, His Son, and what He expects from me. I haven’t been a very good example throughout this drama. I can admit freely that I was pretty sure at the beginning of this crisis I wasn’t going to be. :-) It is always easier to know what you should do than it is to actually do it. But I have striven to share honestly, even though some of it was beyond humiliating, and now that life is not so chaotic these days, I’m even beginning to appreciate all that I’ve learned throughout this saga.” Now there are TWO of Us. This is why I am blogging about addiction & my hubby. Love YOU, be strong angel! olazin@ucla.edu

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  21. Babygirl71

     /  August 16, 2014

    I’ve just come across your blog.
    My story and journey with dealing with your best friend, husband and sons dad has been revealed a few months ago. I’m searching for others that have experienced this devestating and life killing drug. It rips everyone’s life to shreds. We’ve been married for 20 years and I’m so torn on what to do or how to accept what’s happened.
    He choose meth and another woman over his life as we knew it. It’s been 4 months now since we’ve seen him but have started talking. I pray everyday for God to save him from this destructive path he took and heal him. We miss him so much.
    Do people really get clean from meth and gain their life again?!??
    Please keep him and our family close in prayers.

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    • Yes, some people do get clean, but not until they decide for themselves that they want to. In my case, Chef chose to clean up too late, and now he has nothing from his past left anymore, including me and the kids. I will, of course, keep your family in my prayers. Best wishes!

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  1. Good News for once! | The Alternative Ulsterman

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