Did Not See This One Coming

funny-quotes-wife-choices-thoughtsAs I’m sure you’ve noticed, I took a little break from writing. It wasn’t actually intentional, but I needed to sort some stuff out before I moved forward.

I am back in Oklahoma again. I love Texas, and that is definitely where I have the most history, but Oklahoma has so much better history for me even when you count the Lost Year of Chef’s Addiction. For the first time in my entire life, I had lain down roots so deep in a place, I found it too difficult to walk away.

Tonight, I want to focus on what has been going on with my ex, Chef.

After I left to Texas, Chef lost the house. He has continued to use drugs regularly. His sobriety was short-lived.

Chef has been homeless for several months now. .

My husband is one of those guys you see with the cardboard signs standing on a street corner.

Honestly, I did not see this one coming. 

Yeah, yeah. We always tell our addicted love ones that they will end up homeless and on the streets, but seriously, I didn’t really think he actually would. Color me surprised.

Please don’t misinterpret my tone here. I have a great deal of sympathy for the homeless of this world, and I give until it hurts to people just like him. I just have never actually known a homeless person before. It’s a sad state to find oneself in.

However.

When your ex who is still legally your husband (both by law and in his own cranked out head) becomes King of the Homeless People, then you by default become some kind of weird First Lady. Turns out, homeless people around here also have their own hierarchy, and the ones who have their own vehicles to sleep in are on the top of that particular chain. Dogs are a good second. Chef still owned a truck and he had a German Shepherd. Throw in a sucker for a wife who still has an income and will still answer your calls, albeit only occasionally, and you’ve got the crown sewn up.

Even at rock bottom, Chef still rises to the top.

The first week back here, I broke down and met him at a McDonald’s so I could buy him a hamburger and some coffee. We’d had our first snow storm, and I was a little afraid for him and Jake. Ok. Mostly for Jake. It isn’t like McDonald’s is going to let the dog come inside to warm up, like they will the humans.

I had no idea that this McDonald’s Chef had directed me to was the local homeless hangout, and I was loudly heralded by a fairly impressive sized group of scruffy people as I walked in the door. It was like some spooky surprise birthday party, except you don’t recognize anyone and there are no presents or a cake. People were talking to me like I knew them. I’m fairly sure that was how it must feel when you get Alzheimer’s.  It even took me a bit to really recognize Chef. It had been months since I’d seen him, and he looked …..homeless.

One thing that had really been bothering me was that Chef, an extroverted social being, was friendless and alone now. As luck would have it, he was neither friendless nor alone. He just had a new kind of life. And that New Life was hoping his Old Life would bring enough money to feed everyone!

She did not, however, have that kind of money, and his new friends weren’t so excited to see her so much after that.

After that initial encounter with Chef, he began becoming more needy and demanding, and finally after jump starting his truck in front of a questionable house at 2am in the morning, I told him not to call me again for anything other than he wanted a ride to rehab. I know a Chef on Meth when I see it, and I was finished seeing it.

He tested my resolve, of course, and after finding that yes, indeed, I most definitely will leave you stranded miles from your truck if you act like an ass, he got the message. Last Tuesday, he broke down and asked me to take him to rehab. He’s now an in-patient, and seems to be doing better.

I hope for the best for Chef, but my expectations are not so high this time. It is a hard drug to walk away from when things in your life aren’t that bad. When they are falling to pieces all around you, it’s a million times harder. I hope you all say a prayer for Chef. Despite all the pain he caused to people around him, including me, I don’t wish these consequences on anyone, including him.

I thought I should catch ya’ll up with what’s going on in my world. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas!!!

~ Bird

 

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7 Comments

  1. Not going to ask a lot of questions right now….just say I will pray for Chef…and wish you a wonderful ‘Merry’ Christmas…. Love Diane xoxo

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  2. Am glad to see you back, even if its for a little while. You are sounding stronger, sharper. You can’t change others; you can only learn from them. You can only change yourself, and your reactions to others. You are doing just fine.

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  3. Your strength is amazing. May God bless you and your family, including Chef. I hope he finds his salvation.

    Ivonne

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  4. You and yours are in my prayers.

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  5. Dona Stern Harrold

     /  December 23, 2013

    Prayers for you, Chef, Jake and the kids…. Love ya

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