I’ve had this blog for over two years now, and this is probably the 10th time I’ve revised my About Me page. I started out married to Chef, a former member of an outlaw motorcycle club, my husband for over 20 years, and my best friend. My blog was just some random stories about some stuff that had happened to me over the years, with some motorcycle gang wisdom thrown in here and there. Even I found it boring and cliche.
Then, Chef had a midlife crisis and started using meth. The blog became His Midlife Crisis Is Freaking Me Out Blog. After I finally stopped protecting him by keeping his secret, my blog became The Addiction to Meth Blog. That really heated things up.
Chef cheated on me with a much younger woman who worked for him. The blog morphed into That Cheating, Lying Bastard Blog, with some interesting drunk posts and a ton of co-dependence posts. I humiliated myself a lot through this phase.
Because of the level of pain infidelity causes and because of the tremendous amount of people suffering through something like this, my blog stayed The My Heart Is Crushed Blog for a long time. I would radiate between wanting the man back and hating his guts. I found the whole experience really hard to accept.
As time made life a little easier, I was able to move away from such heavy subject matter and focus more
on how, despite so much being different for me now, I’m finding life isn’t so bad as a single woman. These days, Everyone Has A Story is just what it originally started out to be… just one more record of life through someone else’s eyes.
As of today, 9/14/14, I’m living in a recently rented house I call The Blue House, with my daughter Rebekkah. It is located in one of the busiest ghettos in Tulsa, which we protect ourselves from with 4 big dogs — Jake, Ella, Posha, and Sparrow. Sadly, after eleven years in our family, Jake, the German shepherd had to be put down due to tumors and hip dysplasia yesterday.
My daughter Rebekkah is in college in pursuit of a degree in physics. I can’t understand anything she tells me about all of her math classes, and most of the others as well. It is humiliating and easy to tell just how much more intelligent she is than I am, anymore. That only makes me prouder, though.
In January, 2014, Chef graduated from rehab. A few months ago, he moved in with yet another very young woman with three children from her prior relationships. From the court records, it doesn’t look like a very happy union between any of them.
Chef was a really dysfunctional addict, and though he is now sober, his personality is really different. He’s bitter about all he has lost, has apologized with words for all the pain he caused, but I have not seen a shred of honest remorse come from him in the 2+ years we’ve been apart now.
He still sends me text messages almost every week. I won’t tell him where I live, and I guard my whereabouts closely. I won’t answer his voice calls either. Texting is his only means of making me listen to his victim crap. I’m entirely to curious to not read what he writes, and pathetically lacking in self-discipline when he is drawing me in to an argument.
I’m not entirely sure if it was all the drug use or simply the amount of time we have spent apart, but I rarely have a clue about anything he texts me. He is a 60 year old bitter man who is having to start a new life with a new woman and her three kids. He is unapologetic towards me, the kids, the club, and even the animals, blaming everything that destroyed our marriage on being sick with his addiction to meth. This includes his relapsing after 20 years sober, effectively resuming his horrible meth addiction right where he had left off. Physical and emotional abuse followed, along with multiple infidelities, theft, lies, and manipulation. I was alarmingly codependant on my relationship with Chef, and it took a full year for me to accept that either the drugs had completely ruined his personality, or I had been wearing some powerful Rose-Colored glasses these last few decades. Turns out, it was the glasses. He’d wrecked two prior marriages in pretty much the same terrifically unbelievable way.
I’m a Christian, but probably one of the most flawed. I tend to cuss, don’t feel the need to evangelize people generally, and make all the really big mistakes before I learn anything valuable. God is real to me, and my bad behavior only goes to show how merciful He really is, not anything He did wrong. There is a reason He had to use grace to save us. We’re pathetic.
This journey the last couple of years has helped me begin a writing career, and I now can say I’m a published writer. I work a marketing specialist position to pay most of the bills, but I also freelance for a magazine and write some articles for different sites on the internet.
I appreciate you checking out this site, and hope you’ll be back again soon.