Author Archives: bugletto

Fast Cars and Freedom – by Bug

Posted on by Standard 3

Recently, I moved into the middle of the desert. Most of its appeal was that it was the direct opposite from where I was. I left a godforsaken island in the middle of the ocean so far north that we see snow in October, to a vast barren wasteland that doesn’t get

2007-2009 Jeep Wrangler photographed in Alexan...

2007-2009 Jeep Wrangler photographed in Alexandria, Virginia, USA. Category:Jeep JK (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

below 45 degrees in the heart of winter.

I like it better here. For now. I’m assuming that has something to do with the fact that instead of having to get up early to shovel my car out of the three foot pain in the ass every morning, I now only have to get up early to drive into work. That is a 45 minute drive. Levi usually drives it for two reasons (more on that later) while I nap.

Back in Japan I had a nice reliable Honda Inspire. It cost me about 1500$, ran like a champ, and was comfortable. He even had a name: Henry. I called my Honda Henry because it seemed like an old man’s luxury car. If you have never seen one then I suggest google. Its like a Crown Vic, but not as classy. The U.S.S. Henry was a more apt name, it drove like a boat, but, due to my boyfriends insistence on calling it that, I had a  decided dislike of the name. It was like slandering my grandfather. I loved it. Sadly, I had to leave it there. Too much paperwork, money, and hassle to move a car from overseas when it doesn’t meet U.S. safety standards.

We’ll say that I wasn’t too eager to get a new car. I had a ride everyday. I was never late to work. It just wasn’t a priority.

After Levi graduated ALS, however, it became apparent that it wasn’t just a want situation anymore. You see, if one of us gets sick, we have to drive ALL THE WAY to the base to get a note from our on base clinic to make the drive ALL THE WAY back to a local hospital. Which neither guarantees a ride to work or back. And at Edwards, any way is out of the way.  The only people I would ask live in entirely different towns. The base’s area has its own zip code.

This concern did not weigh heavy on my mind. However, Levi (the good boyfriend that he is), was on a mission to find me transportation just in case. So, he found one. But was waiting to surprise me with his choice. All I knew was it was affordable and we would go the weekend after thanksgiving. Things did not play out that way.

What had happened on Saturday was our overdue stop at Mazda to get his oil changed. Then we were going to head out to L.A. to meet up with friends. The oil and tire rotation usually takes a while, so we decided to wonder the used car lots, see what the hubbub was.

Little did I know we were being watched. Two steps into the Chevy lot and a salesman pounced.  No amount of polite “it’s alright, we’re just looking” comments would dissuade him. We made small talk and were followed of from car to car, noted which ones we lingered at and finally he made a suggestion that meant little to me, but Levi perked up quite a bit.

“Would you like to test drive a 2012 Cruze? It’s a manual.”

Levi, indeed, wanted to drive a new manual 2012 Cruze. I can’t drive anything that isn’t automatic (which multiple people have tried to remedy) so I just shrugged and got in for the ride.

I watched a changed in my significant other as we got on the highway. I knew. I KNEW that he had been sold. As we rounded back into the lot I could practically hear the “baby, do you want this one?” But of course, he wouldn’t say that in front of the salesman.

So, being the push-over that I am, I didn’t wait for the puppy dog eyes, “I like it.” That is all it took, the clerk came back and we were whisked away to the three hours worth of paperwork that comes with getting a new car. Apparently, Levi had enough money for a down payment and his credit was good enough to be my co-signer.

I got a car that I can’t drive. But hey, its in my name.

It was firmly established that he would rather drive my new car than his still-new Mazda, but I didn’t mind, I like the Mazda. I drove it for exactly one day.

Later he told me the car that was intended for me was a used Jeep Wrangler (which I love) that would have been about 15,000$ less than what we ended up with. I have mixed emotions. My wallet is still sore from the recent abuse its taken. But that’s not even the best part of the story.

I lost my license.

Poof. Gone. Now, I have a car I can’t drive and I don’t have a license even if I could. We are back at square one.

Thankfully, Oklahoma with mail you one back if you send your information. This is going to be a long three weeks.

-Buggers

Windows – Bugletto

Posted on by Standard 5 

It's a little strange to think about how our lives progress.

We live in endless halls of windows. We look in on other people's
lives, and yet, our viewpoint is narrow and obstructed. Some windows
you just pass without thought, and some you come back to.

Some are foggy and some are cracked. Sometimes we stop just long
enough to get a clear view of the people living inside those temporary
portals. In those short times, those moments of clarity, we see things
that change us. Events that will stay with you forever. Our windows
line up with theirs.

As we pass through these halls with these windows upon windows we
witness the hardships and lives of others, but also have to see
through our own.

With a cracked window to block your view from an already shattered
window, sometimes we don't see things the way they are. Our skewed
perspectives can cause even more damage. Sometimes the damage is only
in a single pane of glass, but sometimes the cracks originate from the
very center and color every inch of it.

People are like that. Sometimes we forget that their lives are being
led from the experiences and we judge them too harshly. Their window
does not show everything, and you paint your view through your own
experience. Lives are fragile, and glass is very hard to repair
without being replaced.

This is out of character for me, so I'm trying to explain the best way
I can. Treat others as you want to be treated, because you haven't
seen everything they've lived through. Don't cause more damage, they
don't need it. Be kind to everyone, especially those you don't like,
because they're looking at your through their own shattered windows too.

-Bug

Peeing in the Pool – Buggers

Posted on by Standard 18

 

As strange as it may seem, this home-life drama seems like a bunch of children in the pool.

Dad peed in that nice, cool, comfortable pool right next to mom. None of the other kids were sure who did it and both parties deny that it was themselves. So the kids in the pool take sides. Ugly names like ‘Liar’ are thrown around. Feelings get hurt. And then Scut Farkus decides that he doesn’t want to play with who he thinks it was. Because he’s the cool kid, his friends stop hanging out with her.  BUT WAIT, Dad peed in the pool again. So now, Scut knows he messed up and stops playing with Dad too. As usual, the sheep follow their shepherd.

Now Mom and Dad have no one to play with. Image

That isn’t Mom’s fault. She was an innocent bystander, but she still got shunned. So instead of crying about it, she went and made new friends with the people who were on her side during the ‘pool pee’ scare. This makes Scut Farkus mad when he sees other kids are still playing with her and decides that they are all losers and starts making fun of them.

Well, Mom doesn’t want anyone who was nice to her to get bullied so she stood up to him. She verbally pummeled Scut Farkus. And now he is licking his wounds with all the cool kids telling them what a meanie she is. The situation is childish. And though the circumstances are much more serious than this story leads you to believe, its basically the same.

I don’t think anyone should care if they get kicked out of a group. If they don’t see you for how awesome you are then they don’t deserve to have you in their ranks. There are other people out there will play with you despite you no longer being in ‘the cool kids club’. Peer pressure is a joke, the only way to control the tide is to be indifferent to it. You’ll be surprised how that tactic alone will be enough to get people to follow you.

My mother is a fighter, and one day my father will stop peeing in pools. One cares what others think, the other doesn’t. See for yourself who is doing better.

What I saw when I came home and assessed myself, though some parts may be colored in anger and pain, mom remained very close to the truth. I wouldn’t have believed the whole thing had I not witnessed with my own eyes the disintegration of the man who is my father.

And for those who think their two cents need to be announced, if you don’t like the game…. then stop playing it. Grow up, Scut. Don’t pretend like you know anything about this situation or try to save face. Nothing came out of you that I didn’t already expect, you’re a coward. Now go play with the cool kids and remember that 86′ing applies to EVERYONE in the club.

-Buggers

 

Change

Posted on by Standard 7

Sometimes, shit happens.

It just does. You can’t control it and you shouldn’t try.

Life is like a tidal wave. You can either dive into it knowing you’re going to have to expect a brief loss of control as your feet come off the ground, or get swept away by the force.

It looks like the sea level in Tulsa rose quite a bit in my absence. I tend to make light of a lot of things, its my way. I have to make those around me and those I love smile. But as of late, its hard to do that myself.

A year has changed not just the pot hole covered streets, but the people that I used to know. I came home to a Father I didn’t know, a mother whose heart was covered in scars and still breaking, a sister who was helpless and mourning, and a brother who no longer smiled without having to ‘alter his state of mind’.

Everything has taken on a harder edge. I’m afraid I was prepared for how deeply it cut to realize I was trying so hard to keep that from happening, and failed.

Things will get better. I know this to be a universal truth. But now I just have to trust God, because now its his responsibility to make them smile when I can’t. I leave again soon, and I don’t want to go. This isn’t my battle, and I’ve been shown that several times.

I still wish that my family didn’t become soldiers on a different kind of war front. Things can’t be the same from now on. I just hope it ends up with more winners than losers.

-Bug

Taking the Time to just be Awesome

Posted on by Standard 17

Growing up in this family has taught me one thing: I’m kind of a big deal. Its not conceit that brings me to this conclusion. If you read any of their posts you can tell that everyone blessed enough to be in this family is a big deal. We’re just awesome.

I have never been comfortable with the ‘when life gives you lemons‘… crap. If life dares to give you lemons you

This image shows a whole and a cut lemon. It i...

This image shows a whole and a cut lemon. It is an edit of Image:Lemon.jpg to reduce blown highlights and slightly darken image. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

take those lemons, march up to life’s door, ring the bell and demand apples or oranges or whatever fruit you want. If life refuses then you take the lemons and shove it up life’s ass. You make life your bitch. No forgiveness.

People seem to be under the delusion that they are not in control of their own lives. They wonder why things happen to them and yet make no move to change it. They fall into a pit of self-pity which morphs into a twisted form of self loathing that they feel helpless to get away from it. They become cowardly and weak, but refuse to see the truth of it.

That is why I believe everyone should just take a day every week (like God prescribes) and just lounge. Do whatever you want. If that means laying in your jammies all day playing video games without human contact for no less than 12 hours, then do it.

No one should feel trapped by their own lives. But if you want to live with freedom that approach yourself honestly. I know I’m a big deal because I am comfortable with who I have become. People started thinking that admitting you feel good about yourself is a bad thing because no one is perfect. But liking yourself is not bad. People should know.

Just take a moment and don’t think about what others might think of you. Take that moment and see what you think of yourself. Remember to be honest with yourself, at the end of the day, you are the only person who matters. If you don’t like what you are… change it. It’s that simple. Because we’re all awesome. There is no shame in that.

(I know this steps away from my usual style of writing, but events lately have led to this)

-Bug