Tag Archives: Business

Chef and Bird Try to Communicate

Posted on by Standard 14

 

Yes. Like that.

Yes. Like that.

In deference to my earlier post, and to emphasize how unstable our relationship has truly become, I’m posting this little tidbit of conversation. Let’s call it a little fly-on-the-wall peek at how things usually go when Chef and I have to be around each other longer than an hour or if the stars aren’t aligned just so.

Hungry, we’re deciding what we’ll have for dinner:

Chef: Church’s Fried Chicken is having a special on their 15 piece chicken meal. We ought to get some tonight.

Bird: Sounds okay to me. Wait. How do you know they’re having a special? You don’t have cable, you don’t get the newspaper…. Wait a minute!! Isn’t Church’s her favorite place to eat? You’ve been calling her, haven’t you. Or she’s been calling you, right? Don’t think you can be all technical with the truth with me, Chef! I’m listening to you very carefully. Why are feeling all nostalgic for your girlfriend all of a sudden, you p****? I knew it! I knew you’d be cheating on me again first chance you got. You lying … (Yeah, let’s stop there. You get the jist..)

Chef: No! I get a couple of channels on the tv. I saw it on tv! She hasn’t been here at all. I swear!! We haven’t talked!! Church’s isn’t her favorite place to eat! She likes The Olive Gar…

Bird: (very, very softly and coldly) You remember where her favorite place to eat is, but you can’t remember my freakin’ birthday?? (Incidentally,  he did only once in all of our 22 years together actually forget my birthday, and of which I’ve never brought up in a fight until now. It was the nuclear warhead I’d been saving for just such an occasion as this little nugget of insanity!!)

Chef (slow to think, quick to speak):…den. ……..S***.

Bird: (Sitting silently trying to make his head explode with  just my mind and then very graphically cursing when my mind proved nonlethal and somewhat confused by me itself.)

Chef: You know what I mean, Bird. Why are getting all bent out of shape. She’s gone. She’s out of my life now, so I’m all yours now.

Bird: Gee, where do I send her the thank-you card? I love being a back-up plan. And I’m sick of how you talk about her all the time! Why does EVERY conversation always end up about her? I’ve had it. I’m going home, #$%@#$%!!!

Chef (trying to just keep up with me): …I just wanted some chicken…but.. just..save so money…no, please…I….Bird!

 

Note: I know I sound like a complete moron.

Another Note: In some circumstances, I am a complete fruit-loop. This was one of them.

Last Note:  I hate Church’s Chicken.

 

:-) Good Night!

– Bird

Date Night at Hooters

Posted on by Standard 6

 

Yesterday was a rough day that ended well. First of all, I woke up with a mother of a toothache. After a few hours of severe pain that made me want to extract it myself with

 

Hooters

Hooters (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

dental floss and an ice pick, I finally got some medicine, and by the afternoon, all was right in my mouth again. Then, Chef and I decided we’d go out on a date, his choice.

 

Guess where he picked….Hooters. Now, first of all, I don’t mind eating at Hooters. I’m used to a bunch of half-naked teenagers walking around in tights. That is how I hang around the house myself some days…not. What really annoys me about Hooters is just how loud it always is in that place. It is my opinion that only the middle-aged deaf men eat there, so those of us who have no real problems hearing music blaring through loud speakers are basically assaulted by the tunes reverberating through the place. Forget having a conversation. It isn’t going to happen. And because it is Africa Hot here right now, the patio is just not an option. Between my menopausal hot flashes and 107 degree weather, that would be like eating in Hell.

 

But, they had $1 beers and a wing special, so that is where we headed. I laugh when I think about it now. They were so busy, we had to bus a table ourselves just to sit down. Then, because the hostess who was helping us clean the table up was under 18 years old, Chef had to carry the empty beer bottles and throw them away for her. We never did get a clean towel to wipe it off with, so we just used several wet-naps. Twice, they got Chef’s order wrong, and the waitress we ended up with was clearly overwhelmed with the number of tables she had, and snubbed Chef on more than one occasion. However, my food was good, and I got excellent service from her. :-)

 

The sun had set by the time we headed home, so the ride back on the motorcycle was breezy and nice.

 

Yes. That is all I could think to write about today.

 

– Bird

 

 

 

Chef Likes To Make An Impression

Posted on by Standard 18

When Chef and I moved to Oklahoma 9 years ago, neither of us had any clue how different our lives would become. Being largely from

Back then, Chef belonged to a club called BTU, but that club is now defunct, and most of the members now belong to this club — Callejeros. Chef went on to join a 1%er group, as most of you know by now.

big cities, Chicago and San Antonio, we had not noticed just how closed off we had become. Our adult lives had become so routine, working during the day, eating dinner at night, going to bed, and starting all over again in the morning.

All of that changed one day when I bought Chef a motorcycle, and within a month, we suddenly were making friends. It was a rather odd awakening for me, realizing just how closed off Chef and I had been all these years, and I have to admit, I was nervous about letting people into our lives. But Chef was just eating it up, and I eventually relaxed enough to make a few friends myself.

We really hit it off with another couple that I will call Brett and Sunny. They had been married a little longer than Chef and me, had raised two kids to adulthood, and had similar senses of humor. We spent a lot of time before the accident with them.

One day, we were out taking a joy ride on our motorcycles, when we all decided to go back to our house. Brett and Sunny had never been to our home….In fact, no one really had. Yes, we were that secretive.

So, Chef led our little group, and soon it became clear to me that we weren’t actually going the right way. We were travelling through Tulsa‘s more up-scale neighborhoods. I remember thinking that Chef was trying to impress Brett by showing off the well-off neighborhood located right next to our rather lower middle class one. Silly, I thought, but I went along.

Finally, Chef turned into a really large, fancy gate with initials weaved into the top, and down a long, long winding driveway,surrounded by immaculately groomed lawns and flower beds, surrounded by majestic, sculpture like trees,  up to a mansion that went on for days. Here is a picture of what it kind of looked like:

Getting off the bike, he told Brett, ” Just leave the bikes here. I’ll have someone move them to the garage.”

Brett and Sunny could barely keep their mouths from hanging open as they dismounted and began following Chef to the front door. Right before he got to the door, Chef burst out laughing.

“Just kidding….This isn’t our house..,” he could barely get the words out, he was laughing so hard.

Brett and Sunny started laughing nervously at first, and then really, really hard.

We got back on the bikes and drove down the large driveway, out the fancy gates, and left behind the gorgeous neighborhood, heading back to the real world. It was a pretty funny moment for me.

I always wonder if there had been anyone in the mansion, and if there had been, what had they thought seeing a patched set of bikers who obviously were club members, drive their motorcycles up to the front door, turn the bikes off, have a conversation where everyone is laughing hysterically, and then get on the bikes and leave just as mysteriously as they had appeared… I know it would have freaked me out anyways, probably for weeks to come.    :-)

– Bird

Chef and His Mishaps With His Teeth

Posted on by Standard 15

I wanted to share a rather funny story about Chef. Chef is having a really, really bad week. I am going to share with you one thing that has happened that makes Chef’s head explode…losing his bottom teeth.

Chef lost a front bottom tooth 20 years ago…He told me to tell you that he lost it in a fight with two Mongols and a Hell’s

Tulsa Skyline

Tulsa Skyline (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Chef’s teeth have been everywhere in this city!!

Angel but that they lost more teeth than he did.   :-| So, I’ve told you what I am supposed to tell you. Does that qualify for being a good submissive wife?

In order to fix that tooth, the dentist had to pull four more and he made lower partial dentures for Chef. They looked completely natural and I have to admit that I’d forgotten about them all these years that he had them.

Well, a few weeks ago the braces that hold them in his mouth broke off, and he has been gluing them on with polygrip. According to Chef, spit works better than poligrip, and he has mislaid those teeth everywhere in this house. I have at least 4 truly disgusting stories to tell about where I am finding Chef’s fake teeth.

But two days ago, Chef calls me from work, all out of breath and tells me this bizarre story.

Chef had chosen to ride his motorcycle to work on the particular day of the incident. His teeth firmly glued with an extra layer of polygrip, he looked professional and crisp as he headed out onto the roads of Tulsa. As he was riding, the extra goop that was squeezing through cracks under his dentures was collecting in him mouth, and as he was turning from a turning lane into an intersection, he spit the goop out…along with his bottom teeth…Horrified, Chef stopped the motorcycle smack in the middle of the intersection, put the kickstand down, located his goop covered teeth, picked them up, and slipped them into his pocket. Then, calmly, he got back on his motorcycle and proceeded through the intersection as if nothing unusual had just happened.

I’d like to point out that this intersection is always busy due to the strip malls and convenience stores that sit on the corners, so Chef had an audience. He says that it seemed for a moment there like time had stood still for a moment…

Getting to his restaurant, Chef boiled his teeth to get the street grime off of them, and melted them…. :)

They barely stay in his mouth anymore even with the polygrip!!

 

The Time I Flirted With A Gang Member

Posted on by Standard 28
Robbery not allowed

Robbery not allowed (Photo credit: Arenamontanus)

Right after I got out of the hospital following my motorcycle accident, I had tried to return to work. I had always worked in payroll, and to my utter dismay, I trans-versed numbers so badly, I was no longer able to work in that field. Somewhat depressed, I resigned from my job, and for the first time in my adult life, I seemed unable to motivate myself to learn a new skill. Chef tried to encourage me to go back to school, but I’ve always hated going to school, and the idea didn’t sit well with me at all. So, he did the next best thing. He bought me a bar.

I was totally psyched about the whole thing. I researched the area that the bar was in, and I came up with the name The White Crow Tavern. It was only a beer bar, so I set about to obtain a liquor license, which in Oklahoma is one heck of an enterprise. However, with all my attention focused on the goal, I was able to swing it, and for the first time in the 30 years of the little bar’s existence, liquor was served.

I got some of my biker sisters to help me form a pool team, and then we went around to all the other bars in our area and coaxed people to come to my bar. It was fun and successful. Before long, my little ghetto bar was hopping. We had shirts made up that read, “White Crow Tavern — North Enough To Be Naughty”, playing on the fact that the location was in north Tulsa, where crime was at a maximum. Funny, until it became evident that we weren’t immune to robbers and thieves.

This was also about the time period that Chef became interested in belonging to the motorcycle club that he is in now. It being a notorious club, I had some misgivings. However, because the members came to our bar and I got to know them, I was able to discuss my fears with some of them, and I quickly came to understand to not judge these people by what the media or other uninformed people had told me. And the fact that people seemed afraid of them was a plus for my bar. It made people a little more careful about what they would do or say in my bar. Plus, people liked to hang around where the bad bikers hung out, so it added a little more clientele to the place. It was a fun time for me.

One evening when I was closing up, I had two biker sisters in the bar with me, when a man came in. We were closed already, but I’d forgotten to lock the door. I informed the guy that we were closed, but he ignored me, and I knew instantly that I was going to be robbed. Up until this point, I’d had three break-ins, but I’d never been robbed while I was there.

Thinking back to all the stories I had heard about how the biker women can be more dangerous than their men, I was a little reassured that the two badass women that were sitting at my bar would help me handle this situation….right up until they ran into the bathroom and locked the door, leaving me standing alone behind the bar looking at the gang member with tear drops tattooed on his face.

I quickly inventoried my options, and there weren’t many. So, I did what any self-respecting, Christian woman should do. I flirted with him. I’ve never flirted so well in my life!

Taken by surprise, the gang member quickly flirted back. Now, it did occur to me that I could possibly have just set myself up to be raped, but at the moment, I was just buying some time, hoping that the two girls hiding in the bathroom were calling the cops. The guy asked for a beer, and I gave him one, saying that I couldn’t sell a beer after 2 am, but he could have one on the house. We swapped some small talk, and I think I became engaged some time during that conversation. All the while I kept washing the dishes, trying to look like I didn’t suspect a thing. After Gang Member finished his beer, he told me that he’ hoped he would see me around sometime, and then left.

That was the day that I threw out all my stereotypical knowledge of bikers and their women. We’re all just regular people, no matter what Gangland says.

I also learned the value of engaging a person on a personal level..it probably saved my life. :-)

 

– Bird