Tag Archives: miscellaneous

Note To Self: Don’t Blog When Drunk, Moron!

Posted on by Standard 69

One thing I’ve learned from having a blog is that I shouldn’t write on it when I’m drunk! And yet, when I take Ambien or on rare occasions, get drunk, that is exactly what I do!! I’ve even left myself notes before not to log on when I’m Ambien-ed out, and I completely ignore myself!!! My subconscious always thinks it knows better than my sane, sober self. Arrogant schmuck!

I rarely get drunk anymore, but the last couple of days sucked, added to the fact that I couldn’t sleep and I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, I decided to drink myself to sleep. I hate the kind of sleep I get from that, but some kind of sleep is better than NO sleep.

BUT not before writing on my blog and drunk dialing a bunch of my friends. :) Thank God they love me….

I’ve been struggling lately about what to write about. I don’t normally live in so much chaos and pain, and I hate spreading those kinds of emotions around or sounding like a cry baby demanding sympathy. I’m usually laid back and pleasant natured, so being angry and fearful feels foreign to me. My teen years were full of pain, fear, anger, and bitterness, and so feeling like this all over again is just horrible. Most days, the Lord does give me some relief, albeit temporary…without those times I’d go crazy. But the battle rages on here every day, and I must admit, I’m really, really tired. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.

But, I’ve also learned that when we are at our weakest, that is when the Lord does His best work. I think when we absolutely know that we are in over our heads and there is no chance we’re going to deliver ourselves, that is when He stills the raging seas of our lives, and we can make no mistake that it was His victory, not ours.

I was able to sleep last night..thanks to vodka… and I’m a bit hungover, but I’m feeling His peace again this morning. There is absolutely no reason for me to feel differently than I did yesterday, which is how I know that God is control of my day.

I have decided that I have to write about my truths, whether they are angry or happy. I’ve never been all that good at masking my emotions, and writing about obese cats or pretending all is wonderful in Bird World isn’t really my cup of tea.  What is the point of me writing a blog if I’m just going to write nonsense stuff that even I don’t like? I don’t lie well at all, and I write non-fiction….

I still have my sense of humor about stuff, but it doesn’t come out much when I’m sad. And lately, my defining emotion has been sadness most of the time. Sad for what is gone forever, and sad about how satan has perverted so many things in my life, and how hard it is just to cope with things other people seem to brush off so effortlessly. People who deal with drama in their lives constantly have my utmost respect…How they can handle the ups and downs of a soap opera life is beyond me…I completely suck at all this drama crap. I like peace and quiet. No yelling, no arguing, no drama whatsoever. And lately, that has not been the ruling atmosphere around me. It blows, but I’m adapting.

That being said, I have my hope placed squarely on the Lord, and that is one thing satan hasn’t been able to touch. My faith never waivers when it comes to Jesus, no matter what is happening in my life. I know that I know that I know, Jesus will save me no matter what. I can say I truly trust the Lord these days and I know He isn’t going to allow me to endure more than I can handle. He’s never let me down, and He isn’t about to start failing me now. One day, all of my struggles will be over, and then the eternity that my life feels like at the moment will be a tiny drop in an ocean of eternity. Thank God we aren’t reincarnated!! Once is enough for me!

Monday, I start my new job. Even better, I am going to work for the only boss I’ve ever liked enough to maintain a relationship with for years after I stopped working for the company. In fact, she may be the only boss I’ve ever liked, period. The company we worked for laid us off when they relocated Human Resources to Georgia, or we’d both still be there. One of my favorite stories about Kim is that when she hired me permanently, she actually gave me an awesome raise so I’d buy nicer clothes and dress up a little more….lol! I hate dressing up, so I tend to figure any way around a dress code if possible. I’ve actually turned down jobs because of their dress code requirements…I HATE panty hose, high heels and polyester.  I am infamous for my passion for jeans, t-shirts, and boots. :-)  In the end, I think I bought two skirts and some slacks, but I don’t remember if I ever wore them more than once. And yet, Kim is taking me back! Even after drunk dialing her in the middle of the night last night even! I’m really excited! It’ll feel good to become more independent, plus working will distract my busy, broken brain from my problems for a little while each day… Love you, Kim!

Sorry about my Drunk Post yesterday, and if you’re one of my drunk dialed friends, I’m sorry for that too. Wish I could say it won’t happen again, but why start lying now? We all know I’ll probably do it again.  :-)  :-)

– Bird

 

lol…It has actually occurred to me to spike ole Chef’s drink with an ambien, but with my luck, he’d be allergic or die or something horrible and I’d go to prison forever and ever. Not.Worth.It. :-( Rotten man. He sleeps like a baby no matter what is going on.. Must be nice.

 

And A Third – The Liebster Blog Award

Posted on by Standard 18

 

And another award!! This award was passed on to my from Stephen at Life Revelation. I appreciate Stephen’s shout-out, but I am especially honored by his description of me:

“Bird has a blog entitled Everyone Has A Story at http://birdmartin.wordpress.com…and does this woman have stories. Sometimes they are hilarious, other times you can feel the pain. No matter what she picks it and soldiers on. Talked about a trooper…this woman is the real thing.”

Now, that is just a seriously cool description, don’t you think?

So, as I’m given to do, I am going to skip all the nonsense personal stuff about me, and post yet another picture:

Okay. Which one is me?

 

Now, the person I’m nominating for this award is: writerwannabe at hometogo. While there are many things to like about her site, I am super impressed that she has been married for 49 years…Given the recent hiccough in my own marriage, I’m blown away by that! Please go check out her site. There is something there for everyone.

Thank you so much for my award!!

– Bird

 

Jealousy

Posted on by Standard 20

I’ve recently made friends with a womanizer. Don’t worry, the friendship didn’t begin with any shenanigans, so I don’t need a phone call, Mom :) .

In case you didn't guess, this is the Green Eyed Monster...

This friendship has become the source of some pretty valuable insight into the male mind. Maybe into the dating mind in general, I don’t know yet. Anyways, we had a conversation about jealousy. Apparently this guy likes to take his girlfriends around his ex-girlfriends to make them jealous. When they get jealous, he says, then he knows they care. I realized that I had seen this same scenario many times, I just hadn’t realized that was the aim. To reveal the other party’s emotional attachment. It makes sense. If someone gets jealous, then yes, it means they want to keep you. But it also means they think they can lose you. They don’t trust you, in fact.

So I present to him a theory. Perhaps jealousy is a step down from courtesy. This guy believes that, with social equality and all that, women should open their own doors and pay for their own shit. Maybe they should. But if you want someone to know you care, you should do small things like that to show them you care. I saw a stooped, white-haired man open the car door for his equally stooped, equally white-haired wife, and help her into the car before circling and getting in himself. My dad does the same for my mom. My sister’s boyfriend buys her-and himself-mementos from their outings, to remember the day. The difference between these two approaches is that one leaves you vulnerable, making you the first to show you care, while the other forces someone to let you know.

This is all theoretical. I myself have only been jealous once, in high school. It didn’t feel nice, though. I remember it still, like an illness. It ruined my day, that spurt of jealousy. I haven’t felt it since, even though there has been occasion for it to be reasonable. I guess I just don’t feel threatened most of the time. If people can glean some happiness, even if it costs me a few sad moments, then go for it. Having learned of that tactic, though, I now wonder if maybe that isn’t part of the problem with society today. It’s okay to this guy that he intentionally hurts these girls, just so he knows something he should have already known. And the part of him that does this is something equally hurt from some other painful thing, brought on by another broken person.

What I’m saying is, Try a Little Tenderness…

– Bekkie