Tag Archives: parenting

Are You Prepared For Being A Friend of Mine?

Posted on by Standard 4

Here’s something I’ll bet you didn’t know about me.

I’m extremely fearful, to the point it is an actual phobia, when it comes to going to the hospital. It has something to do with the way they smell and sound. One whiff of fear of spidersdisinfectant and the sweat of fear, coupled with some feminine, bored, muffled intercom voice communicating life and death in rainbow-colored codes, and I have been known to incapacitate myself with a full-blown panic attack.

A rumor that someone I know might be going in to the hospital for something is enough to make me hyperventilate and avoid Facebook, pigeons and voice mail for a week.

Because of this crippling effect on me, there is a kind of process I go through mentally before I’m going to step one foot into these sinister, stinky hubs of health. I’ve established an Is-It-Worth-It Checklist that I complete in my mind before I commit to visiting someone at the hospital.

Well, there are actually 2 lists – one for whether I should go for my own health, and the other for being a supportive, good friend.

The one for me is really just the one line of questioning – how bad does it hurt and will they give me excellent drugs to make it stop hurting?

The other, though, is kind of more complex, and until they start giving out the excellent drugs to the visitors, I’m probably always going to use it. It goes something like this:

Bird’s Is-It-Worth-It Checklist

1. How serious is the condition my friend is in the hospital for?

a.Could they possibly die? (Here I calculate the odds of survival, and adjust accordingly.)

Floating Petri Dish of Disease

Floating Petri Dish of Disease

b. Not life-threatening? Like plastic surgery or a mild heart-attack? (See you when you get out, dude!)

c. Odds are, this could be the end of the line for them. (What are the chances I’ll be seeing them in heaven? Just kidding! This one is unflinchingly rigid.)

2. Just how angry or hurt will they be if I just call them on the phone instead of physically going to the hospital?

a. Really, really angry? (Are they prone to kicking butt when displeased, and if so, can I take them down? Also, how bad will it hurt?)

b.Indifferent – (They’re super popular; they actually begin their recovery after they return home. The hospital visitors actually sign a guestbook walking into the patient’s room. $5 and a broke friend, my name can be there, too.)

c. Hard to tell – (They might act like they don’t care, but last time you did find a stuffed animal of yours boiling in the kitchen…It seemed like it was some kind of warning.)

d. They get the really cool drugs and won’t be lucid for weeks after they get out. (I’ll photoshop a picture of myself in front of the hospital, and presto! I’m a good friend!)

e.They hate visitors – I’d being doing them a favor! (I’ve never met someone I could use this one on.)

3. If I buy them a really cool get-well gift, can I get off the hook?awesome me

a. No. They’re flush with stuff, and a gift isn’t going to go very far with them unless I had to take out a loan to buy it. (Not likely these days.)

b. They practically live in a cardboard box. A gift certificate to Taco Bell will buy me a pass for the next three hospitalizations. (God bless Taco Bell’s Dollar Menu!)

c. Depends on the kind of gift. Am I willing to go to the mall (another phobia of mine, though to a much lesser degree) and spend the ridiculous amount of money they charge for something from Hot Topic or Victoria’s Secret? (I’ve never answered yes to this one. It’s included because eventually one of my friends will get a boob job, and this one will finally come into play.)

d. No. This friend isn’t superficial or materialistic. Next time, be pickier about the kinds of friends you want. :-)

4. Is it in any way possible to pretend I didn’t know they were in the hospital until they get out?

a. Yes, if I pretend I’ve just been super busy. Once upon a time, I could actually get away with this one. I’m notorious for being hard to get ahold of most of the time. These days, though, my friends all know me pretty well, (or I’ve already done this the first couple of times they were hospitalized), and this doesn’t fly anymore.

b. No. They ran ads on every television and radio station in Tulsa, left text messages and voice messages on every telephone I have, sent a telegram, two pigeon carriers,hilarious a note on my windshield, sent a note from my mother to my boss, and paid to have their name and room number written in the sky over my apartment. My presence is requested, and my absence will be noted and unhappily addressed when they are released.

5. How important is this friendship to me in the long run?

a. I can make new friends; giving me one of your kidneys doesn’t make us sisters under the skin, right? Actually, I find it pretty nerve-wracking to try to even talk to someone I don’t know, so this is a stupid thing to even be on my checklist. Still, it does cross my mind…

b. Will they quietly be hurt, or will I find a dead fish wrapped in newspaper on my doorstep? Quietly hurt, in my opinion, can actually be worse than a threat from the mafia that I’ll be sleeping with the fishes, especially since I live in Tulsa, Oklahoma. 

c. Friendships are pretty important, and I really love this person a lot. Oh, fine!! I’ll go to the stupid hospital, but I’m not promising I won’t pee myself on your floor when I smell alcohol swabs, spray you with snot when I can’t breathe because I can mentally see the needle in your IV stabbing through the walls of your vein,  or puke in your trash can when that horrible intercom voice blares through my head. Hey! It’s what you wanted!! Still want me to be your friend??

I wanted to take a minute to thank the fellow bloggers that nominated me for some awards. I promise, I’ll try to get to those some time this weekend. Thank you so much!!fear of trust

– Bird

 

Bugletto – She Will Not Be Ignored

Posted on by Standard 9

 

I love technology. Lately, because we’re sick of the limited selections on television, we signed up for Netflix. We got a free month, and frankly it’s worth the $8.00 a month to me. Yes, a lot of the stuff is old, but the selection is cool.

I am an insomniac to a huge degree, and I will fall asleep, wake up, fall asleep, wake up..all night long. So, I find myself watching old series on Netflix throughout the night. And because you have to be logged onto the internet to use Netflix, a lot of my friends/family think that I’m actually on the computer all night long. Bug was one of those people. Being in Japan, she is on a whole crazy time line I’m not on. She’s asleep when my day is just starting, and going to work as I get ready for bed. And, as a further mind twister, she’s always one day ahead of us which I try not to figure out because I just know I’ll grow a tumor in my brain if I think about it too much. :-)

Yesterday was a hard day, because of the whole breaking away from the past thing, and I was a tiny bit sad about it. Nothing like the past, but still, I hate when I’m forced to walk away from problems that by my very nature, I want to help with. It blows, but that’s life, right?

Then, I saw this up on the screen, and I’ve been laughing ever since:

LOL..Bug won’t be ignored.

Evidently, Bug, who wasn’t brought into the loop about our recent subscription to Netflix, thought that we were ignoring her calls…(Note: Please note the times that she was calling and we weren’t answering). Finally, she sent us the Big Message:

I WILL NOT BE IGNORED

Lol…Oh Lord, how I love my kids!!

Meet the Bugletto. She will not be ignored.

– Bird

 

 

Motives Matter

Posted on by Standard 37

Today was kind of a hard day for me, and it all has to do with my court hearing Monday.

One thing that I struggle with is knowing what my real, honest motives are about doing things. On the one hand, I’m not lying, and by the laws of the land, I’m well within my

Expect the unexpected.

rights to do this. But from a Christian perspective, I often ask myself if causing hardship on another person, no matter how much they might deserve it, is ever the way the Lord wants us to handle things.

This last week, my kids Rebekkah and Dj have been relatively peaceful. This is a huge improvement from a few weeks ago when they were almost as devastated as I was. We don’t talk about their dad these days much anymore, always choosing to turn our minds to happier, more peaceful things. I’m wanting their healing to continue, and as such, I don’t want them as witnesses in court against their dad, having to relive those horrible moments. They are adults, and they have their own opinions, but I’m the mother, and I’m putting my foot down about this.  I think making a child choose a side where the consequences can be pretty bad for the other parent is probably never a good thing. So, I’ve chosen to leave them out of it. No witnesses. I have a few other smaller proofs, but I’m thinking they won’t be enough for a permanent order.

And why do I really want to win? This is the question. I don’t live with him anymore. I don’t talk to him anymore. He’s already taken all of our stuff and hid it or sold it…there is nothing here to recover. I was only in danger at the end there when I was trying to save him from himself, but I’ve learned that harsh lesson very, very well. I can’t save him, so I no longer try. Am I really in so much danger I need this court order, or am I just trying to hurt him like he hurt me? Am I looking for a judge to condemn him so I’ll feel vindicated? And even should the judge do exactly that, even to the point of humiliating him in court, what do I really gain here? Nothing. God is my Vindicator. God is my Protector. God is my Healer. I don’t need a judge or court orders. I only need God.

Yesterday, God answered my prayers in a really big way, and between that and the book I’m writing, I’m feeling the forgiveness that before I was only constantly forcing myself to choose. God has sent me so many messengers about this book to write, and I was constantly putting it off because it is hard to write about the good times knowing that the ending isn’t happy. Yet, I’ve obeyed God, and turns out, it is turning out really well. And as I’m writing it, I’m remembering the laughing, happy, peaceful times, and while I may never have those kinds of times back in my life, I am blessed to have had so many of them to reflect on.

I don’t say that I won’t be happy or peaceful again. I will. But it feels like spiritually God is drawing a firm line in the sand, and I’m finding more and more “Christians” unable to choose to fear the Lord, and are beginning to fall by the wayside. That is grieving Rebekkah to no end, but for me, I only see that we are quickly heading to the end times when the Lord will call us to prove who we are going to serve, and all of us who have read our bibles know, we were never to expect that we would be treated by the world better than Jesus was. We are called to forsake everything for Him, and that isn’t usually a fun choice….Well, not yet, anyways. Once we step into heaven, it’ll all have been worth it.

We serve an Invisible King, and we are citizens of place we can’t see, feel, hear, touch, or taste. We are aliens in a world that constantly provokes the flesh we are dwelling in, and denying that flesh always makes for a constant war within us. Hence, I’m trying to differentiate what is my fleshly need for him to pay for his betrayal and doing what I think is right for me and the kids now. And my motives are very paramount here. I don’t want to fail my King.

And that leads me back to my problem with court. I have clear proof Satan has always hated me, and will do anything to hurt me, always trying to force me to give up. We all know, I’m not giving up my God, so life is going to look different for me, probably from now on. Knowing that, I don’t have much faith in the court system; instead, I’ve put all my trust in the Lord, knowing He loves justice, but also knowing that I am probably going to lose. And you know what? I don’t even care. The Lord is my protector. The Lord will handle all of this if I forgive completely and trust Him to handle my life. It’s becoming easier and easier each day. :-)

This has been a really hard lesson for me, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t ever miss Chef’s smiling face or the way he used to make me laugh. But, even more, I feel like a very loved child of God who was rescued from harm, and that outweighs those weak moments I sometimes feel.

lol…This isn’t a depressing post, only hopefully, one that can show you that healing and learning are processes, and I’m well on my way. Oh, and that motives need to be examined constantly!

– Bird

Ripples in A Body of Water

Posted on by Standard 26
Ripples

Ripples (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This morning, because I was basically choking to death due to the flu, I decided to give up trying to sleep and pulled up my computer. It was 4:30am  in the morning, and I was greeted with Caitlyn’s masterpiece – Peeing in the Pool. It was a timely moment for me to read that because I’d been bombarded with the phrase “You don’t know the whole story” for days now, from people who have begun to pool around Chef. Evidently, Chef has a different version of what has happened, and it seems to resonate some kind of logic with a few of these people. I, of course, don’t know what that story is. I will say, however, that there is always two sides to a story, and of course, Chef is entitled to see things from the prism of his own life. I don’t begrudge him his side. However, after talking to Caitlyn a bit, she mentioned that even though he was a schmuck, she was going to keep talking to him. I expected nothing less. Caitlyn has always been a Daddy’s girl, and it would cause her tremendous pain to have to cut him out of her life. But, somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered if this had something to do with this “Other Side of the Story”. I told her that was fine, of course. He is her dad.

This  morning, I was greeted with her story, and I have to say that I laughed and laughed and laughed. No one can tell a story like Caitie Bug. Then, because Bekkie was dealing with some painful things with her friend Emily, who has begun dating a member of The Other Side, she was inspired to write her contribution. And then my heart-broken son, DJ,  wanted to say his bit. And in one day, my children laid out their hearts on this matter.

As a wife, this has been horrifying. As a mother, this has been shaming and disappointing. But as a Christian, I am one pretty proud mama right now. I feel like the Lord has fashioned my children into arrows that can wound the adversary, Satan, and so I must say, this day is ending on a good note.

To My Children: I’m sorry all of this has cost you so much as well. But I love you, and I am so proud and honored to be your mother. I love each of you with all of my heart. Love, Mom

– Catherine

Ghetto Living

Posted on by Standard 41

 

Since I met Chef 20+ years ago, this man has always made sure I live in some very nice homes in some affluent neighborhoods. The kids were given their own rooms as much

No, I didn’t live in anything like this. But it is really awesome though, isn’t it??

as possible; they attended good schools, and we lived in security and stability. And then the economy tanked, I got laid off from a very well-paying job when the company I worked for moved to Georgia, and Chef ended up having to take a job that didn’t pay half of what he usually earned. And we found ourselves relegated to adjusting our standard of living and moving just across the street from the dividing line in Tulsa that separates the North side and the South side — Admiral Place.

Now, of course, unless you live in Tulsa, you aren’t really going to know what that means. But every large city has a part of it where us poor people live, and a place where the not-so-poor live, with a gray area in between that houses the mid-level incomes. And, about a year and half ago, Chef and I moved to the ghetto…lol. And frankly, it is just so much more fun than living in the large, boring houses I’m used to living in.

I’m pretty good with money, and I have had to live in poverty during my childhood, and with my first husband, so I know how to make my pennies scream. But Chef is not used to this kind of financial bind, and it was enough to make his head explode. When he looked at the houses we could afford easily, he rejected them all. Finally, I picked one out that had possibilities, as he put it.

Thanks to the club, it was painted, had new windows installed, and had some carpentry work done, all for nothing but the cost of the supplies. My landlord actually cried when I showed him the improvements. My neighbor is going to install an automatic garage door opener. Just for the price of a door he bought on clearance for $150. And, if you ask Chef these days how he likes our home, he’ll be the first to admit that it is nice not having to compete with the Joneses next door, or sell a kidney just to make utility payments. Our cars look like everyone else’s on our street; our dogs look the same as theirs, and no one flips out if the dogs pee in the wrong yard or the cat sits on a neighbor’s car. And my neighbors are friendly, kind, and always quick to lend a helping hand. We are all just working stiffs, and I just love that camaraderie.

lol….How true.

I live down the street from a Walmart that seems to just attract gunmen, crystal meth cooks,  and gang members, a bar that attracts some really, really lonely men, which in turn, attracts the Working Girls, and across the street is their working venue, a roach motel. This part of Tulsa never sleeps. I’ve seen a guy running from the police cut through my back yard, and last week another guy hid in my neighbor’s yard, trying to allude law enforcement. I’ve had a homeless girl knock on my door to get out of the rain, and I cooked her lunch, and put her in a hotel for a night. Because I live in the area that I do, the Jehovah’s Witnesses and the Mormon regularly knock on my door, and frankly, I’m starting to recognize their faces, and I even wave at them when I drive by now.

The guy that mows my lawn found some snakes in my yard, and one really large rat was living in the dog house. No, I’m not kidding. :-)

You know, I am really loving this, much to my husband’s complete astonishment. I guess you can move the girl out of the trailer park, but not the trailer park out of the girl. And every time I see something odd, or meet someone who is having a hard life right now, I’m reminded that the Lord Jesus was poor, and if you ask me, He seemed to prefer to hang with us poverty-stricken. There is just so much more to laugh about. You will never really appreciate the good things in life until you’ve gone without, and I’ve gone without plenty of times. I have cable, when for a period of my life, I didn’t even have a television set. I have a cell phone, when there was a time, I didn’t even have a home phone. Internet when I never had a computer before.  I have central air/heat, when I once lived in a home that had neither.

Yes, I may be living in the ghetto, but I’m blessed to have so much.

My husband and I are well on the way to a stronger, happier, more peaceful relationship. Financially, my new job has made a lot of difference.

My neighbor installed my doggy door, and now Sebastian and Milo have the freedom to rule the world, as they’re inclined to believe that they do. And Suzie and Jake no longer have to exercise miracle bladder control while I’m at work all day.

And best of all, in about three weeks, both my daughter Caitlyn, who is stationed in Japan, and Rebekkah, who has been in Texas taking care of her grandparents, are coming home. My son Dj just got back from Texas, and for the first time in too long, all my children will be in one place. Thank you, Lord!!

 

Life is good!

– Bird