“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” -Elie Wiesel
Jupiter and Venus were visible in the same part of the sky the night I arrived in New Orleans. That same night was one of the most wild, carefree, and valuable in my memory. I don’t know that these two were related, but I like the coincidence. I met someone there with an app on his phone that let him identify the stars through his camera, pointed at the sky. That’s how I found out the galaxy was rendezvousing. I watched them drift apart for the next couple of weeks. Even now, a month later, I search them out.
A few days ago, I noticed mars for the first time. A red dot, pretty easily seen, even in well-lit areas. I also noticed that I had begun to go through a phase. I thought about changing the name I gave it for this passage, but I don’t want to lie, so sorry mommers, I know it’s kinda ghetto. I call it the ‘Fuck It’ phase. I just started…well, not really saying, but feeling ‘fuck it’-ish. Again, not connected, I know, but a good way to remember it.
At first, it was merely procrastinating. Over the course of a few days, I quit caring about little things. Then big things began to have no effect. Near-miss collisions, free food, delinquent kids graffiti-ing my countertop. No real response, other than ‘fuck it’. The bigger the event that the ‘fuck it’ encompassed, the more I realised that things were really working out. I never got in to the wreck(s), and had the added benefit of escaping the post-close-call freakout. I shooed the dilinquents out without misshap. The food was free. The less I cared, the better things got. So I decided to do it on purpose. In the event of a situation that may come with consequences, I would go the ‘fuck it’ road. When those situations arose, I found that I could indeed go with it. Iniatially, it was nerveracking, but that went away with suprisingly little difficulty.
The final phase went on for about a week. I think it ended today. We’ll see. Maybe waned, at least. Because today, I realized that there was no real benefit from this. When I escaped unscathed, I felt no relief. No joy or humor. Nothing at all. Why should I? Fuck it.
The point is, I succesfully engaged in indifference. It had, as most things do, some high points. In the end, though, you miss out on the cool parts. So if indifference is on your list of qualities you wish you had, fuck it. It’s not worth it.