I am having a bad day. Every thing that can go wrong is starting to do just that; my husband is in a full-blown battle with Father Time today, and I just keep trying to dodge the bullets. And even though I really tried not to, I snapped at him in a spectacularly dramatic moment that would have been beautifulif it had been in a movie, but
it only escalated the tension here at home. I usually know what I should do; I don’t always actually do it…I’m still in the middle of learning this lesson, and like chemistry, I get a little lost in all of it. My sleep medication hasn’t given me 4 complete hours of sleep in something like four days, and I’m physically, mentally, and spiritually worn out. My faith isn’t wavering…just my stamina and patience.
So, as he is inclined to do, these are the settings for the devil to lodge grenades at me in the form of snarky comments aimed at my friends Sara and Anne that were wildly inappropriate and hurtful. Now, in my tired and weakened state of mind, I didn’t notice that this is the Number One way satan tricks me into stumbling..by provoking me through someone else’s hurt or injustice. Anne’s comment that I flipped out on was a diatribe of why we Christians …blah, blah, blah by an proclaimed atheist, posted on a beautiful story about Anne’s dead mother. I lost my cookies…I could not believe the arrogance! Anne calmed me back down, and frankly, handled her own business with grace and dignity. But not before I threw down on the unsuspecting opinion-owner. I’m very impressed with your compassion and patience, Anne. I decided after that incident that I should take a break from writing/reading and cool down emotionally for a while.
And then stuff in my really-real world started spinning out of control this morning. I was just going to skip writing today, knowing I’m tired and grumpy. But, on a whim and in need of something to distract me from myself, I thought I’d read a couple of my favorite blogs, and maybe cheer up a bit. Enter, Sara’s commentators with their arrogant, and obviously ignorant, advice. Sara is a girl who is suffering from extreme effects of childhood abuse, and I can’t even make myself write the horrible opinions some people..who aren’t her followers, felt the need to slap on her. I seriously, seriously considered going to their blogs and letting all hell break loose. I may not be able to kick a person’s butt physically, but I’m pretty good at a snark-war. I did warn you guys that I have to keep a strict hand on my temper, remember? Well, the best way to unleash the beast that is my temper is to pick on people I care about. It never really works when satan attacks me directly like that. And I get sucked in almost every time. This time, though, while I did respond, I was pretty tame considering what I wanted to say. It wasn’t a perfect victory, but it wasn’t a totally loss either. I’m putting this battle in the Tie column.
Finally, I open up my own blog, and I have this, I’m going to assume, well-intentioned comment under I Know Exactly Who My Enemy Really Is :
“I would be remiss if I didn’t comment to this. I wasn’t healed until I embraced Satan as one of God’s children and came to Love him as well. One of the Lord’s fallen angels – much like we are. He doesn’t bother us much any more (Satan, that is) because he has become one of ‘our brothers’. Took that to end the war in me.”
Now, does this remind anyone else out in Christian-ville of Jesus being offered a bribe in the desert? Because when I read it, I had to chuckle a little bit…my enemy had overplayed his hand, and the storms in my head and heart settled right down…Peace has ensued ever since. I think I can maybe feel God smiling..
I think this all happened by God’s own design today. No one ever gets snarky on our blogs, and yet there were attacks on blogs that I would specifically be offended on behalf of these particular writers..coincidence or divine intervention?…You tell me. And, in spending so much time in fury for the defense of another, I was able to focus on something that wasn’t going on around me. Tempers in my really-real life calmed down, and a peace treaty of sorts has been negotiated. We just ate dinner together, and the peace is holding.
I wasn’t going to write today, but Sara thought I should, and I think she is right. I feel better after having written it all out. You guys have a nice evening.