The End

For a couple of months now, I’ve been thinking it is time to end Everyone Has A Story. I almost never write here anymore, and it has been very evident that I’m okay now. I’m over Chef. He texts me now and then, but it is never anything I welcome, and most of the time, I don’t answer. All of that time period is gone — Chef, Tion, Simon. Rob. Bandidos. I just don’t miss any of it. I’m happy in my new life now, and frankly, I remember when I  genuinely doubted that could be possible for me again after loving someone so much. 

Color me surprised!!

Everyone Has a Story was set up when my husband, Chef, tanked our marriage, and I’m not at all sorry I kept a sort of online diary of what that felt like. But truth be said, I’m too content with life these days to say much more about any of it. The pain now is but a faded memory.

I thought it would be fitting to write a summary of this entire website as a eulogy to my life with Chef as an ending to this website, and to say goodbye to some of my favorite followers. But, let’s face it. I was a chaotic mess, and when I read where my mind was on some of this stuff, even I have no clue.

So, I plan to keep it up, because I still get emails from sad people going through exactly the same thing I went through all the time I was losing Chef. My insanity might make them feel a little less alone and nuts. There’s nothing like feeling  a little whacko to really spice up the flavor of losing everything and everyone you love. Right?

These days the truth is, this story in my life is over. I’m happy. I’m blessed. I’m ready for the next chapter. And this chapter is, somewhat tragically, over. I’ve moved on. It happens.

So here it is. The last post for EHAS.

We all lead complicated lives. For me, I was a statistic regular. I was an abused child who learned too early that people, mainly men, couldn’t be trusted. Despite that, I ended up married to man that I truly loved for over 20 years. It took me literally a decade to relax into my own marriage, but once I had, I was invested and dedicated. I loved Chef, and to this day, I feel that he loved me.

Chef decided one day to join the Bandidos Motorcycle Club. I’m not going to lie here. I was interested in this turn as events as well, since studying human behavior is truly one of my favorite interests. We made some deep friendships, and lived in this culture for a decade. Then one day, everything came crashing down.

My Chef developed an addiction to meth. He had travelled to a funeral for a fallen “brother”, and somewhere along the way, he had used this drug to stay awake.

How typical is it that some of our worst decisions end up being decided so

But it looked like so much fun!!! Trust me. It isn’t.

recklessly? Chef had struggled with drugs before he had ever met me, but unfortunately for all of us, I did not know that. And sadly, even if I had, it wouldn’t have made any difference. Addiction is one of those roads we all travel alone.

Meth leads to a lack of foresight into future consequences, and Chef blew up our marriage. He is guilty of physical and mental abuse, lying, and infidelity. It all was too much, and without warning, I was left with no choice but to abandon him.

People will often say that what I did was abandoning a man who was sick, or that if I was really a servant of Jesus, I would have stuck through all of the pain and misery. Truly, there was time I would have agreed. But I learned within a couple of years of torture and devastation, God wasn’t interested in the plight of my marriage – He was rescuing me from something. We all say in our marriage vows, ” What God has united, let no man pull asunder” but we forget, what God doesn’t want united, that will be torn apart.

God knows me. He knows that reality can be a bit harsh for me, and I have been guilty of trying to mitigate it with alcohol and drugs myself. While I have always been able to turn back to God and cry out in my guilt and humiliation for being so weak, others, like my ex, have not. I believe with my whole heart, I’m not a drug addict or an alcoholic because God decided that isn’t the road He had planned for me. Instead, He showed me what this journey must look like, and feel like, so I would never judge other people who got caught up in this harshly. I believe, He ended my marriage with Chef almost the minute my youngest child, Bug, left home because His plan for me was something different than His plan for my ex. He loved me enough to not sentence me to a miserable life of drugs, which is the life my ex, Chef, had chosen.

It is a sad fact that most Americans will experience a divorce, and even sadder, most of us will experience a devastating loss due to someone we love becoming addicted to drugs. I’m not special in this, and that is truly sad.

But one thing I’ve learned from this experience is that we can heal from it, even those of us so heartbreakingly wrecked. Life is a beautiful thing, and even those events that seem so awful and so permanent are truly valuable to our ability to appreciate what this world had to offer. It is only those of us with tragedy, disappointment, and grief in our eyes that understand what the price of a seasoned soul looks like, and comprehend how very valuable a lesson that really is. I just wouldn’t change a thing about my life, even if I could.

I want to say thank you to all of you for being my sounding board through this so very common sort of heartbreak. I want to encourage you all to take a page from my own lesson book and realize, this too shall pass. You are the only one who can decide whether you emerge from this hell better, or worse, and I hope for all of your sake, it is the former.

EHAS was so therapeutic, cathartic, and frankly fun, and I know, there are going to be times, I’m going to be sad I said good-bye. But it is time.

Good-Bye!!

~Bird

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The Hijacking of Two Religions

trump-signsWhat we are seeing in our political disagreements these days is what I call a hijacking of not one, but two, religions in order to further agendas that aren’t at their core, religious at all.

Historically, the Republican party touts itself as a largely Christian party, embracing the supposed values of their religion. The Democrats, historically, have more atheists in it as a whole, and tend to be known to espouse more of a scientific lean, as well as a socialist one.

This is just how things have been for as long as I can remember. I identifywomens-march as a Christian, but I have never been fooled that either party was a good fit for someone like me. I love science, and don’t believe it has ever been an effective tool to disprove my belief in God. I take God’s admonition to care for the poor, the orphans and the widows as a mandate, which I guess makes me look more like a socialist. I really don’t care, frankly. In the end, I’ll be judged by a higher court, and that’s the one I’m concerned with.

I also don’t find myself fooled by Political Christians who blab on and on about bringing God back into our country’s schools and governments, but whose agendas seem a little more self-serving and unrighteous.

cross_summit_cross_christianity_218516They’ve hijacked Christianity, throwing around terms that ignite within Christian countrymen in order to secure high positions for themselves, after which, they will do exactly what the hell they want– secure power and position for themselves — and not what God might want. Do not be fooled by words. Always, always look at actions.

Hence, I find myself cringing daily about what I am reading on the internet. Vicious verbal attacks are slamming back and forth, problematic argument methods are being embraced and repeated over and over, and two religions are being hijacked by a ton of people. Yikes.

Hijacking Christianity

For those of you who bought into the line that the Republicans are on the side of the angels, let me point some things out. I’m a true-blue, trying-to-live-it Christian. I read my bible, and I pray. And I am so offended that this presidential race is hijacking something I care so deeply about to serve deceitful motivations.

Abortion

I have read how abolishing abortion is step one towards returning this country back to God. Did you know, abortion isn’t even once mentioned in the bible? There was never going to be any way God was going to be able to enumerate every single decision we’d ever encounter and give us what the right answer should be. So, He gave us a conscience instead. Paul even goes on to say, what is sin for one person is not, per se, a sin for another. Abortion is a conscience matter. Just because your conscience screams at you that this is wrong, wrong, wrong, God still did not address this specifically in the bible. So using it as a cornerstone for “bringing God back” is stupid, in my opinion.

Teaching Creation in Schools

The other big nonsense issue I’m hearing so much about is teaching creation in schools again. Are you kidding me? Would teaching creation in school again ever make any real difference to a real Christian? This is what I call a Belly Button Question.  This name is derived over the patently absurd argument church people had in the ’80’s about whether or not Adam and Eve had belly buttons, being that they were not actually born, but created. Yeah. I know.

How much does that really matter, when you consider the bible and our religion as a whole? The bible does say God’s concept of time and our own are not the same, and while I don’t believe in evolution as a whole, I do believe that many of our species now are adaptations, which is in fact, a form of evolution. I went to private schools as well as public ones, and was taught both. Neither of them has even once played any part in my faith as a whole.

Gay Rights

Then there’s gay marriage. The bible briefly mentions in the Old Testament and briefly in the New Testament that this is a sin. I wish I could say that isn’t the case, but I’m not God. I didn’t set the terms of life.

But, the subject of homosexuality did not make it in the book nearly as many times as, say, the 10 commandments, the admonition to love one another, the declaration that we are all laboring under a sinful flesh that can only be redeemed by His Son’s blood, the directions to care for the poor of this world, etc. I don’t personally care if a person is gay. To me, God and them can figure themselves out. Plus, in God’s eyes, sin is just sin, and there is no rankings. For instance, a person who tells a lie is equally guilty in God’s eyes as the person who is a murderer. Consequences here on earth are very different, but from a heavenly standpoint, both are equally guilty of breaking God’s rules. So, hating a person because they are gay makes no more sense than hating all divorced people who remarried (because that’s adultery), hating all people who have ever lusted after another person in their hearts (also, adultery and fornication), hating anyone who has ever told a lie…You see where I’m going with this. We aren’t equipped to be each other’s judges, which is why we were told not to do it. We will always get it wrong.

I do know that God didn’t give me qualifiers about who to be loving towards. He even said to love your enemies. How is causing hatred toward anyone a Christian way to bring this country back to God? The bible says, before you go worrying about speck in someone else’s eye, remove the forest from your own.

Fear – Hijacking Islam

Which brings me to my last point. God repeatedly tells us throughout the entire bible, and in almost every book in it, not to be afraid. He did not give us a spirit of fear, and even a newborn, recently saved Christian knows this.

It bothers me that the party that touts “bringing God back” is hijacking Islam to rattle us with fear. Are you kidding me? There’s nothing about God’s nature that I find cowardly or afraid. A wall? To keep out bad guys? That’s playing to fear. Banning Muslims from the countries that did NOT have a hand in 9/11 (wow.) because we’ve decided collectively that we should have the right to discriminate against people because of their religion after all, as long as it isn’t our own. Also, that plays to fear.

Fear is NOT a Christian principle at all, in any part of the bible, and should play no part in what we real Christians want for this country.

Summary

If the Republican stance was truly about bringing God back, we’d have hell on earth trying to do it, and that is just if we tried to bring the 10 commandments back into play. Sadly, a ton of what I call Facebook Christians don’t even know what those are. I watched Fox News hosts ridicule Al Sharpton for calling Jesus a refugee. They insisted he wasn’t because his parents were only in Bethlehem to pay their taxes. Fox News is predominantly Republican, and very verbal about “Christian Values”.

Oh.Mother.Of.Mary.

The flight into Egypt is a biblical event described in the Gospel of Matthew (Matthew 2:13-23), in which Joseph fled to Egypt with Mary and infant son Jesus after a visit by the Magi, because they learned that King Herod intended to kill the infants of that area. source: Wikipedia

Hence, Jesus was, indeed, a refugee.

I truly believe there are real Christians that bought into the hype. If you don’t know your bible, it is actually easy to do. But this is why the Lord told us to study it. We need to be able to look past what people are saying, and see the truth of why they are saying it. I would tremble with fear at ever using the Word of God the way I’ve been seeing it bandied about by our present government. God will not be mocked, and I hate to see people fooled because of a lack of basic understanding.

For better or for worse, the liberal left are not twisting the Word of God for their own purposes. Instead, when the righteous right keep tossing scriptures around to validate what is going on, it gives them the opportunity to throw scriptures right back in their faces. The Democrats didn’t campaign on bringing God back. The Republicans did, and if you are going to open up that argument, you can’t get mad when it can be used right back at you.

I wish neither side would use God in this way. My spirituality is a sacred thing to me. But I earnestly want to bring attention to the fallacies of this kind of way to grab governmental power. I want to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ to be smarter than this.

“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” (Matthew 10:16)

You can’t be wise by falling for every scam.

~ Bird